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TEN
WE’RE IN TOGETHER LIMBO
Tod and I finished the macaroni salad and made the brownies, and because we were both pumped up on adrenaline by being held at gunpoint and shot at, we made chocolate pecan pie. The whole time we did this, I fielded phone calls. Some of them were (obviously bogus) Rosie or Duke sightings. Most of them were from girlfriends, and the conversations with my girlfriends were all the same.
Question: Was it true, had I hooked up with Liam Nightingale?
Answer: (a hesitant) Yes.
Option: (pick one or multiple choice) Squeal / Shout / Curse / Scream / Shriek (usually the word “Ohmigod!”).
Question: Had wedone ityet?
Answer: We’re taking it slow.
Then a lot of yelling about what was taking me so long, questions about how Lee kissed (“youhavekissed him, haven’t you?”), more resurfacing of the nasty bra bow rumor, etc. I thanked God that I had such a long apprenticeship at being cagey and a master liar because it sure came in handy.
After all of our grueling activity, Tod and I headed up to my balcony with the phone and an egg timer and collapsed into lounge chairs.
I didn’t trust myself not to fall asleep and get burned to a crisp so we set the timer and every fifteen minutes we turned.
Unfortunately, we eventually forgot to set the timer. The phone finally went silent and I fell into an unscheduled Disco Nap. Fortunately, I was not the kind of redhead with freckles all over that burned within seconds of the sun touching my skin. Not to mention I’d re-dosed with factor 8 before hitting the lounge and was already nursing a pretty deep base tan.
I was lying on my stomach and I felt something on my shoulder. I whirled around on my lounge chair and brought my hands up in the karate position that all of Charlie’s Angels used.
Lee was crouched beside me.
“I thought I told you to stay in the house,” he said, his voice low but not angry. His eyes were on my hands and I could see the corners crinkled in a semi-smile at the sides of his cool sunglasses.
Since I didn’t need to karate chop him, I dropped my stance.
“I did stay in the house. Then the house got boring and we couldn’t get a tan in the house. Anyway, Tod’s protecting me.”
We both looked to Tod, who was on his stomach on the lounge. His gun was unattended on the balcony floor and Chowleena was lying on her side in the shade under Tod’s lounge. They both were fast asleep.
Oopsie.
“He’s from Texas and he’s a drag queen. He has quick reflexes,” I assured Lee.
Tod opened an eye and looked between me and Lee.
“Am I off-duty?” he asked Lee.
Lee nodded.
Tod got up, taking his gun with him. He patted his leg to call Chowleena and said to me, “Got a fund-raiser tomorrow night. You on Drag Duty?”
Tod and the rest of the drag community of Denver often did fund-raisers where they lip-synched their hearts out and gave their tips to charity. Stevie and I were Tod’s alter ego, Burgundy Rose’s official drag hags. It was the only true workout I got—lugging around Burgundy’s sequined dresses. They weighed a ton. As Tod said, “They don’t call it drag for nothing, girlie.”
I nodded to him. “If I’m alive, wild horses couldn’t keep me away.”
Tod’s eyes moved to Lee. “It’s a drag show for charity. You bringing Indy?”
Lee stood, and since Tod was no longer wearing his high heels, he went from looking down on Lee to looking up. Tod’s gaze didn’t waver.
“If I’m not workin’, I’ll be there.”
Tod looked again to me. “Swear to God, you fuck this up, I’m calling the white jackets.”
