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And yes, it was definitely an F-word moment.
I hid in the kitchen, making more iced tea and getting the coffee ready for dessert. I also got out the dessert plates and forks, cleaned the pots, rinsed my plate and cutlery, put them in the dishwasher and wiped down the counters.
Then Trixie came in, bearing used dishes.
She glared at me. “That was rude.”
I didn’t care if it was rude. Rude was good. I was embracing rude with everything I had.
“You don’t understand what’s going on,” I told her.
“So explain it to me,” she shot back.
Since I didn’t understand what was going on either, I couldn’t.
“Just trust me, this is not what it seems,” I shared.
“Mm-hmm,” she said, all pissed off and not believing me, not even a little bit. She put the dishes in the sink and then a hand to her hip.
I was surrounded by women who could pull off the attitudinal hand on hip.
Again, I had to ask, why me?
She went on, “From whereIsat, it seemed like he was very interested in every word that was said. From whereIsat, he seemed very interested in watching you the whole time we talked. From whatIcan see, he seems like a nice guy.”
“How can you tell? You haven’t let him get a word in edgewise,” I pointed out.
She started to look uncomfortable then hid it. “Maybe we were laying it on a bit thick.”
“A bit?” I snapped.
Her hand came away from her hip, her face changed and she grabbed my arms.
“Jet, honey, who made the rule that you weren’t allowed to be happy?”
“No one. I’ll be happy…someday. Just not with Eddie.”
“Why not with Eddie?”
“Have youlookedat Eddie?” I asked.
Her eyes got kind of dreamy.
She’d looked at Eddie.
“Enough said,” I finished.
She stared at me, coming back into the room.
“What’s the way Eddie looks got to do with the price of tea in China?” she inquired.
How to explain?
See, the thing was, good things didn’t happen to me. It wasn’t as if I had a sorry, sad life. My life wasn’t better or worse than anyone else’s. I’d had ups, I’d had downs.
Okay, so there were a lot of downs, but there were also a lot of good times.
I just knew I wasn’t lucky. I also knew my limitations. And finally, I knew that dreams didn’t come true, not your mom’s dreams for you, not your mom’s best friend’s dreams for you, and certainly not your own. Life was finding your piece of happiness, even working for it if you had to, and settling in.
