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I shook my head. Calm was not an option. My heart was beating so hard I thought I could hear it, even though I couldn’t hear anything but the blood rushing to my ears.
“Why are you scared?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“Why do you want to break up with me?”
I shook my head again but answered.
And I answered honestly.
“It isn’t going to work. I know it. I’d rather have it end now when it’ll hurt, but I don’t want it to end later when it’ll tear me apart.”
I was struggling against him to get away but he pressed deeper. I could smell him and I stopped. I had to hold on to my reserves. I couldn’t burn out too fast. I had to keep enough energy to find a way to walk out of there.
“Why isn’t it going to work?” he asked.
“It never works.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. It just doesn’t. You can love someone a lot and treat them nice and do everything for them and then they just go. It happens. I saw it happen to my mom and I don’t want it to happen to me. She came undone. It was like watching her unravel. And she was strong,isstrong, and it destroyed her.”
I was talking to his throat. It was the only way to get it out.
His body still pressed against mine, his hands came to my face and tilted it up, forcing me to look at him.
“Jet, I don’t know what’s gonna happen and I can’t promise anything, but I do know I don’t want this to end. What we have is good, it’s so fuckin’ good, it’s great.”
“Eddie—”
“No ‘Eddie,’ listen to me. You go, I follow and bring you back. You leave, I’ll do it again. You want to quit workin’ at Fortnum’s, do it. But I’ll be at Smithie’s every night to pick you up. I told you I’d wear you down and I thought I was gettin’ somewhere but it seems I got work to do.”
“Don’t,” I whispered.
“I know you love him, but your dad’s an asshole.”
I shook my head, but I was beginning to feel it, coming up, willy-nilly and uncontrollable.
The attitude.
No one called my dad an asshole.
Okay, well, maybe Eddie could get away with it, but not without a little ’tude thrown at him.
“And your mom has shit taste in men,” he went on.
I stopped shaking my head and stared at him.
He did a lip touch and my body froze.
“But you don’t,” he whispered.
He pulled me away from the wall and in his arms.
Then he grinned.
“You have fuckin’ great taste in men,” he finished.
