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And the thing is…I’m not. I’m stunned, but calm.
In this moment, I know with absolute certainty that I have played my last competitive baseball game. I’m not going to stage a comeback. The draft this summer will go on without me in it—not because I couldn’t do it, but because I don’t want to. I don’t even want to try.
I thought that baseball ceased to be my future after the accident, but I was wrong. Baseball hasn’t been my future since I squeezed down the aisle of an airplane and caught my first glimpse of dark curls and olive skin.
The only future that matters is standing right in front of me.
And it starts right now.
I reach out to put my thumb under her chin, nudging upward gently. She resists for only a moment before giving in. Her face is mournful, and I ache to make it better. “First of all,” I tell her, low and serious, “we were both there, and we both made the choice to nix the condom, so don’t apologize to me.” I wait for her nod before I continue. “Tell me what you want to do. Whatever you want, we’ll make it happen.”
Tears flood her eyes, and she covers them with the heels of her hands. “What I want, and what’s best…they’re not the same thing.”
“What do you mean?”
Azalea backs away from me and begins to pace around the living room, furiously wiping tears from her cheeks as she does. “Everything Marie told me was true. My dad told me. Having meruinedthem, and her.” She stops and waves her arms in the space between us. “Look at us. We’re in the exact same situation. Too young, still in school. Wejuststarted dating. Why would it turn out any different for us?”
“Because we’ll make it different,” I tell her, following her further into the room. She doesn’t even seem to register that I’m walking on her carpet with my shoes on, which goes to show how upset she is. “We’ll learn from their mistakes. We won’t be like them.”
She appears unconvinced. “I shouldn’t even exist. My parents had no business having a baby. That’s the only lesson we should be taking from them.”
My chest pinches at the idea of a world without Azalea—and at what she’s implied.
“Are you—” My hands start to shake, and I shove them in my pockets. “Is the thing you think is best—is it an abortion?”
Fresh tears fill her eyes. Ducking her chin close to her chest, she nods tightly.
“But that’s not what you want,” I clarify.
Azalea shakes her head, making a piece of hair fall out of her haphazard bun. “No. I don't think so.”
I close the distance between us and lightly grasp her by the elbows so she can’t move away. With my cheek against hers, I put my mouth to her ear. “Listen to me,” I say, piecing my words together carefully. “If you decide that’s what needs to happen, then that’s what we’ll do. I’ll be right there beside you, and I promise I’ll love you just as much afterward as I do right now. But if you—” My voice catches with emotion, and I realize how much I want this. HowhappyI am, underneath the shock and the worry and the swirling thoughts about how we can possibly make this work. “If you want that baby, then I think we should have that baby.”
She’s quiet for so long, I wonder if she’s somehow fallen asleep standing up. Then she lifts her arms and loops them gently around me, grasping fistfuls of my shirt. “We can always have another one. When we’re ready.”
It sounds like she’s trying to convince herself more than me. “We could,” I say noncommittally. I rub my hands gently over her shoulders. “You don’t have to decide tonight.”
She tightens her grip on my middle, flattening her palms against my back. “I know.”
Later,I’mjerkedawakeby the sound of movement in the hallway. I’m pushing myself up, trying to get my bearings, when the door to Azalea’s room creaks open and Callie sticks her head in.
“Oh, good, you’re still here,” she says softly. “I was just checking on her.”
Rubbing my eyes, I glance down at Azalea. Her face is still red and splotchy from crying earlier, and her forehead is marred with worry lines. Even sleep isn’t bringing her peace right now.
“She’s asleep,” I tell Callie. The only light in the room is a sliver coming from the hallway. I can barely see her face, but when she doesn’t reply, I know what she’s waiting for. “She told me.”
“What are you guys gonna do?”
“Don’t know yet.”
She nods as if that’s the answer she expected. “Well, I’m going to bed. See you tomorrow.”
“Wait,” I say, swinging my legs out of bed. “Hold on.”
I join her in the hallway, pulling Azalea’s door gently closed behind me so we don’t wake her up. Callie takes a sip from a bottle of water and raises her eyebrows expectantly. “Did you really think I was going to be a dick about it?” I ask.
Callie shakes her head. “Not really.”
