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I forbade myself from feeling anything from that image.
"Now, let's move on to the shoes," Adalaida said, clapping her hands in delight.
I followed her lead, feeling numb to it all. None of the shoes, veil, or jewelry mattered to me. All I wanted was to run away, to escape this life that somebody had chosen for me.
But as much as I tried to ignore it, I couldn't deny the tension and conflict between Adalaida and me. She wanted me to be happy, to share in her excitement, but I couldn't force myself to feel something that wasn't there.
I couldn't help but wonder if there was any way out of this. Any way to break free from the chains that bound me to this life.
Time passed faster than I could keep track of.
Nothing was real until I was alone in my dark bedroom. Nightmares plagued my sleep, only to sprinkle themselves through my waking hours.
"Rosa del Oro will be the perfect location for your wedding. The colors will complement you so well," Adalaida said, her voice soft but commanding. "It's only fitting for someone of Antonio's stature."
I nodded. Polite, tame.
“Which, by the way, I hope you have been enjoying the new female Trabajadoras. It was a relief to finally be able to send more women to the house to work now that Antonio is getting married—you’ll definitely need them in the upcoming months.”
More nodding past the endless talking.
The frozen sea breeze whispered through the window, bringing the scent of salt and freedom. Everyone around me was bundled up, but I needed the cold. I needed to see outside.
I pictured what Magda would think about how I looked. I even wondered what Maestra Cecelia would think.
Magda was traveling once more. But, if we were being honest, I had pushed her away. I was painfully aware of the emptiness in my chest where Magda's presence had once been. Her absence left me feeling exposed, like a ship adrift without an anchor.
Adalaida's gaze lingered on me momentarily before returning to the dress. "How does it feel when you walk? Is the train still too long?"
I cleared my throat and took a step forward.
As I tried to move, my prosthetic leg protested, the plastic and metal biting into my skin even through the pad I used on my flesh. I winced, gripping Isolda, who had come to my side. The shop suddenly felt too small and suffocating, as if the walls were closing on me.
"Perhaps we should take a break," Isolda suggested, her voice gentle.
"No," I said, gritting my teeth against the pain. "I need to do this. The Canciller will be there, and I will get married the day after tomorrow."
Wasn't this supposed to get easier with practice?
"Stubborn as ever," Adalaida muttered, but she didn't argue.
She didn't know what I knew. I was just another tarnished person in an ugly society.
Determined to do this at least once, I forced myself to stand tall, ignoring the discomfort that threatened to consume me. As I took a shaky step, I could almost hear Magda's voice in my ear, urging me on.
Isolda held on tight, but I was walking.
"Marvelous, dear. You look lovely," Adalaida agreed, though her tone remained cool. "Now, let's finish here so we can return home."
"Home.” A foreign word on my tongue, but I nodded, knowing that there was no place for me in this world anymore. Not as Carmen Asbaje Torres, the girl with Blood Magic who dreamt of being a dancer like Maestra Cecelia for the rest of her life. That girl had vanished, replaced by a bride-to-be with gilded shackles.
As we prepared to leave the shop, I glanced at my reflection one last time, searching for any trace of the person I once was.
As we stepped out of the shop and into the street, I couldn't help but feel like a trapped animal, caught in a snare I had no hope of escaping. The sky was darkening, and the air was thick with the scent of salt and sea.
I ignored the quiet as we drove back the way we'd come.
The sun had long set when we arrived back at Antonio's estate.
