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She turns on her heels and walks away, the sound of her departure growing quieter by the second.
When I can no longer hear her, my legs crumble. I slide down the wall as violent sobs rip through me. Salty tears run down my face in rivulets until I have nothing left.
Nathaniel’s warm arms hold me the whole time, muttering sweet nothings into my hair as I shake against him.
“Why did you come back?” I whisper when I am empty inside. “Why did you have to come back?”
Chapter39
Repulsive Emotions
NATHANIEL
Istare at the ceiling.
“This is a real shit show, you know that?” I said to the open air. Elva huffs in the corner. She still won’t touch me. Her arms are wrapped around her knees, and I see her back rise and fall as she breathes deeply.
I try to stand and wince. There are cuts on my back, and the blood is crusted against my skin. Bits of it flake off onto the stone floor. “Elva,talk to me. Just… look at me.Please.”
A slight, mangled sound erupts from her. “No, I will not look at you. I can’t. Not after that soldier whipped you, and my mother made me watch while they ravaged your beautiful skin.” She lifts her head and lets it thud against the wall, but her eyes remain closed. “Did you know your blood steams in this air? The smell of it still clings to my nostrils.”
I don’t know what to say to that. I have been healing quickly, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt like a bitch. My mouth opens. I want to tell her it’s okay, that I’m okay, but I don’t really know that. So I stop trying to stand. I just sit there and stare at her. “Did this ever happen to you when you were growing up?”
She stills. Even her breathing stops.
“It did, didn’t it?” I say a bit too harshly.
The response is as good as a resounding yes. I want to tear this place apart. Being in the brutal North has awakened a primal beast inside of me I thought was long dead in my selfish, Summer Fae heart. I am acutely aware of the value of community and love.
I want to speak, to heal the silence… or at least balance it with a joke or something happy. But I cannot.
“Why are they keeping us like this? They haven’t tried to ask questions; they just keep coming to beat the shit out of me.” I smile as I say it, but the joke falls flat, as hollow as a dead tree.
“To punish me.” Elva’s voice is clear of emotion, almost as if she’s numb to the cold.
“But—”
“This is why you weren’t supposed to come. I would’ve returned, but you should’ve fled even if I didn’t. Don’t you get it?” She seethes through her teeth, “Emotions are dangerous. They have been nothing but ammo to shoot at me with.”
I stare at her. “I’m sorry, Elva. But you can’t act like you are the only one in this equation. I am here too; I am here because I—I—I love you. If thatemotionis repulsive to you, then so be it. But this is worth it to me. I have searched for meaning, something real, and you are it. Deal with it,princess.”
Her head snaps up, and she stares at me.
Even so, she doesn’t speak.
Why the hell isn’t she speaking?
A low chuckle comes from the small square at the iron door. My ears twitch. I know that sound.
The door swings open, and Akron, of all people, saunters into the room. He scans the space until his eyes land on me. “Sprigg, great to see you. I never knew Summer Fae could enjoy the cold so much.”
His eyes linger a second too long on Elva’s folded-up form. He’s dressed in a thickly quilted cashmere coat. Its jet-black color absorbs the light from behind him. His purple eyes scan my face, falling on the torn fabric on the back of my shirt. “I heard they had been rough with you. I’m here to help.”
Something akin to relief floods through my veins. The last time he saw me, he was threatening to murder me. Maybe he realized just how vital I am to his business deal. Either way, I know he’s powerful. He might persuade the Queen to let us out.
“Akron, it’s superb to see you. I never thought you would come. Look, I’m sorry—”
“Woah, Sprigg. Don’t thank me just yet. I’m a businessman. This solution requires a pretty hefty fee. I’m not an altruistic person.”
