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“I promise,” Jesska said.
Megan squeezed Jesska’s hands and then stood. “Think about tomorrow, okay? We’ll all be there to support you. You won’t be alone. Dad said he canceled the after party, so you can just be with us.”
Jesska nodded. “I’ll think about it.”
“That’s all I ask.” Megan gathered up the dishes and left the room.
For the most part, Jesska was left alone the rest of the evening. Cameron checked on her several times, but she guessed it was probably because Megan had told everyone to be on high alert.
Jesska did take a couple of her sedatives, something she’d been trying not to do, but the last two nights had been filled with horrific nightmares. If she did wake up and want to go to her graduation event, then she’d need to be rested. After emerging from her room just long enough to bid her family good night, she headed to bed, holding the tiny Valentine’s bear close to her as she drifted into a drug-induced sleep.
Awakening the next day, Jesska made the choice to put on a brave face and join her class for commencement ceremonies. Her family oohed and ahhed as she walked into the family room in her red graduation cap and gown.
There was a lightness in the air during the ceremony, something Jesska thought she’d never experience again. Guilt welled up within seconds, and she stamped down her brief bit of levity. She was alive. He was dead. She had no right to be happy, even if it was for a second.
She shut herself down during the tribute, shut down even further when they called Seth’s name and his father accepted his diploma on his behalf. She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to stay focused enough to hear her name. She felt a tap on her shoulder and then Adalyn nudged her forward when her name sounded.
“Jesska Shane,” the principal said again.
Jesska lifted the ring attached to the chain around her neck and kissed it. “I love you, Sethykins,” she whispered as she walked on stage, took her diploma, and shook the principal’s hand. She heard her family hooting over the crowd, but she refused to allow herself to feel their joy. She forced a smile and headed to the opposite side of the stage.
This is for you, Seth. Everything I do from now on will be for you.
The day she and Seth were scheduled to go to Paris arrived with a rare summer rainstorm. Jesska couldn’t get out of bed. Her sadness so overwhelming, she could barely open her eyes. Her parents had been arguing for close to a week about “what to do with Jesska,” and at this point, she didn’t care if she never opened her eyes again, she just wanted out of her life.
Feeling overwhelming guilt, she slid out of bed and walked on aching legs to her bathroom. She hadn’t realized just how much inactivity caused pain in a person’s extremities. She opened her medicine cabinet and swore.
“Where the hell are you?” she grumbled as she went through every drawer, every cabinet, every crevice she could think of without luck. She sat on the toilet lid and dropped her face in her hands. Her parents had found it... damn it!
She gasped quietly. They’d found it. She had two more in her purse. She rushed to her bedroom and dumped the contents of her bag on her bed. The little blue box containing her relief landed on the duvet and fell upright like her saving grace. It had once held an engagement ring; now it held the peace she so desperately craved. She grabbed for it and locked her bedroom door before rushing back to her bathroom. Prying open the box, she carefully pulled out the razor blade and held it between her teeth. She had several wounds already healing on her arms and legs, evidence of her ongoing punishment. She deserved this. She was the reason Seth was dead. She’d killed the love of her life. If she’d just kept her mouth shut, he wouldn’t have tried to defend her honor. For now, she should hurt physically as much as she hurt emotionally.
Sliding her pajamas and undies off, she settled herself in the tub in an effort not to get blood on the tile, and set her foot on the spout. With a deep breath, she ran the blade down her inner thigh, whimpering at the pain, but soon feeling the emotional high and relief as it covered her.
I’m so sorry, Sethykins.
She closed her eyes and slipped into bliss.
A scream pulled her from her haze, and she blinked open her eyes to find her mother pressing on her leg. “Ow. Mom, what are you doing?”
“Goddammit, Jesska,” her mom hissed.
“Stop!” she snapped.
“I thought you found them all, Chip!” her mother bellowed.
“I thought I did too,” her father said as he walked into the bathroom.
“Dad, get out! I’m naked.”
“You should have thought about that when you tried to kill yourself,” he snapped.
Jesska glanced down at the tub streaked with blood and her mother holding a towel against her leg, the cotton now soaked red. She shivered, suddenly freezing. “What’s going on?”
“I need another towel,” her mother said.
“She’s in here,” Jesska heard Megan say. She tried to stand when two paramedics pushed into the bathroom.
“What’s going on?” Jesska screamed.
