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“Well, I didn’t—I mean, that’s not how I was thinking of it. Not really. I just thought...” He caught a flicker of a smile and slapped Tean’s chest. “I don’t know, dummy. You’re so good! I don’t know how to be good. Or smart. You’re so much better than me in, like, every way! And if you say you’re not good, I’m going to flip you over and spank you!”
“That kind of behavior is exactly why I’m better.”
It took a moment for Jem to catch the grin—not on Tean’s mouth, but hiding behind those damn glasses. “You asshole!”
“Bad language, too.”
“All right, here we go.”
But flipping Tean over turned into rolling around on the bed, and that turned into lying next to each other.
“I went easy on you,” Jem said.
“Thank you.”
“Because of your glasses.”
“That was very considerate.”
“I don’t want them to end up like your last pair.”
The smile curved Tean’s cheek. “I’m not, you know. Disappointed. But I want to know…I guess I want to know why you think I would be. And why you’re so hard on yourself, I want to know that too. You’re such an amazing person. You’re resourceful and resilient. You’ve overcome challenges that would have ruined the lives of other people.”
“I’m readingNight of the Living Dummy, Tean. It’s second-grade material.”
“See? That’s what I’m talking about. Why do you do that? Is it something I do? Or something I say? Because if it is, I want you to tell me. I love you, and I think you’re amazing. If I’m doing anything that communicates a different message, I want you to tell me so I can stop doing it.”
The quiet gathered in Jem’s chest like an ache. He reached over and brushed some of Tean’s crazy mane. After a while, because he owed him this much, he said, “Of course it’s not you.”
“It doesn’t feel like an ‘of course’ kind of answer. You thought I was ashamed of you. You thought I was disappointed in you.”
“Ok, well, the first part is because I’m a giant hormonal baby living inside the body of a slightly less hormonal adult male.”
Tean took a moment to catch up. “You’ll have to explain that.”
“It’s being here, I guess. It’s not exactly my scene, you know? And I know you’re smart, and I know you’re this accomplished, educated professional, and you have a great career, and it’s one of the things I love about you. But it’s…I don’t know. I’m here. And everybody else has done a million years of school, and they’ve got PhD behind their names, and they have all these interesting, intelligent things that make you perk up.”
“When did I perk up?”
“And I know that’s not me. I mean, are you bored all the time at home? Do you want to stick your head down the garbage disposal every time I talk about TV or movies or food?”
Tean sat up. The afternoon light reflected off the lake, throwing shifting skeins of light over him. He was silent for what felt like a long time until he said, “I could do without watching theBuffyseason two finale again.”
“How dare you?”
The smile appeared behind the glasses again.
“No,” Jem said. “How dare you?”
Taking Jem’s hand, Tean asked, “I didn’t know you felt this way.”
“I don’t. I swear to God. I’d kind of…I guess I’d forgotten. How intimidating you are. I mean, it helps that I’ve seen your butt, but when we first met, you were so smart and educated and owned all these books without any pictures. Anyway, it hit me again. So, like I said, I’m being a baby. I’ll be fine.”
“I don’t want to talk about work stuff at home. I want to talk to you about you. And about your day. And about Scipio, and about all the treats you gave him that you weren’t supposed to, and why you had to split a hot dog because he was starving to death.”
“Sometimes he has this look in his eyes, and I know he’s going to die if he doesn’t get a tiny nibble.”
“And about the girls, and about the life we’re building together. I don’t want somebody to talk to about the trout numbers, or the elk lottery, or—”
