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“Mr. Purdue,” he said in his best English accent, “I represent a program calledLost Lads, which runs on Acorn TV. We’re doing an episode on the disappearance of your son, Leon.”
Merlin stared at him for a moment, and then his gaze swung to Auggie. “He got something wrong with him?”
Theo had never seen Auggie die from humiliation and, at the same time, fight the giggles.
“He’s English,” Auggie said in a choked voice. “Acorn is a British network. I’m his local guide, you know?”
“We’d like to hear your side of the story to run alongside your partner’s,” Theo said.
“He doesn’t sound British,” Merlin said.
Theo gave up and went with “How about this? How about I practice my American accent?”
“That’s your American accent?” He shook his head. “All right.” Auggie looked like he was losing the war against the giggles, but Merlin spoke again before Auggie could fall apart. “I don’t care what Elise told you. She’s a lying bitch, that’s what you can say.”
“You’re talking about your ex-wife?” Auggie said. “No, Mr. Purdue, we’re talking about—let me see.” He looked at his phone for a moment. “Ambyr Hobb.”
Merlin’s jaw loosened, and then his whole face darkened with a flush. “What’d she say?”
“That’s not how this works, Mr. Purdue. We can’t repeat the comments of our interviewees; that’s what makes the program so exciting.”
“If you’d like to comment—” Theo said.
“That stupid cunt,” Merlin said. “Where the fuck are her brains?” He looked up, eyes reassessing them. “You told her she’d be on TV, didn’t you?”
“It is a television program,” Theo said.
“God fucking damn it.”
“If this is a bad time, or if you’d like us to simply run the episode with the information she gave us—”
“No,” Merlin said. He stood there a moment, his hands braced on the jambs, and the pose made Theo think of Bible illustrations, Samson in the temple. Or, maybe, an old movie. Laurel and Hardy, and one of them stuck in a doorway. “It’s got to be fast.”
“Not a problem,” Theo said.
“Buddy, give it a rest with the accent.”
Fortunately, he’d already stepped back inside before a tiny squeak escaped Auggie.
Theo glared at him. “Why in the world do I have to be English?”
“Because,” Auggie said, “if you were American, and it was an American show, he’d wonder why he’d never heard of it before.”
“It could have been Canadian, Auggie. It could have been a new show that had never aired before. For hell’s sake, it could have been an English show we were porting over.”
“Huh,” Auggie said with a glimmer in his eyes as he stepped toward the front door. “I didn’t think about that.”
Theo had been inside his fair share of trailer homes. He’d lived in a few, as a matter of fact, and none as nice as this—and that was saying something, since Merlin Purdue’s fell somewhere on the spectrum between outdated and rundown. It had brown walls, brown carpet with a pattern that made Theo think of the tabby licking its balls, brown countertops in the kitchen that adjoined the living area. A little patch of checkerboard linoleum near the front door presumably gave guests a space to kick off their shoes before ruining the tabby-print carpet, and Theo could see matching linoleum in the kitchen. It had the smell of an old place that hadn’t been cleaned well, or perhaps, really, ever—the accumulated oil and skin cells and dander of everyone who had passed through here, engrained in every surface. A TV, a microfiber sofa, and a matching microfiber recliner made up the living room set. The only addition that might be considered personal was the poster of a Thunderbird, which looked wrinkled, and maybe a little tattered at the edges, like something Merlin might have toted around for a long time before finally hanging it up. The protective plastic sheet over it gave back their reflections.
Merlin gestured to the sofa as he dropped into the recliner, and he swiveled to face them. “Do you want something to drink? I’ve got beer and water.”
“No, thanks,” Auggie said. “Did you know English people drink their beer warm?”
Merlin turned a look on Theo like he was an alien, and Theo, because nothing had worked so far, went with the only thing he could come up with: “Cheers.”
Auggie actually rubbed his eyes at that, but he recovered quickly. “Mr. Purdue, this is just a preliminary conversation. We like to get the whole story, and then we’ll refine your talking points for when we record the interview. Would you be able to join us in our affiliate studio in St. Louis? We’d pay for the travel, of course.”
“Yeah, yeah. What did she tell you about Leon?”
