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“And then the epic romantic gesture. Don’t forget that.”
My head bobs up and down so fast, I feel like a puppet on a string. They’re right. I should have apologized by now. And I need to show him what he means to me. No more fear.
“Do you ladies mind taking care of the shop?”
“Do I have more colors in my hair than a box of Fruity Pebbles?”
“What Brielle means is we’ll be fine. Go, but know we want every juicy detail later.”
“Of course. Thank you.”
I hug them and grab my purse. I’m about to leave then realize he and I have a little tradition that needs following.
FIVE
ASH
To say I’ve been moping since my failed date with River would be an understatement. I’ve been all out wallowing. Eating junk food. Watching bad TV. Listening to corny love songs.
This morning, I woke up with a new mission: get over River. I have no idea how to do that, but I had to try. So, I worked out and showered. Made a healthy breakfast. Cleaned the house. Then I didn’t know what to do with myself.
A visit with Mrs. Fields seemed perfect, but she isn’t home, so I’m aimlessly driving around town. It turns out, aimlessly means driving by Dig It. I’m a damn glutton for punishment and can’t help but want to catch a glimpse of her through the window. To see the smile she gets when she tends to the plants. The happiness that takes over when she’s in her element.
No matter what happened between us, I still want her to be happy. I need to know she’s happy.
God, I’m a schmuck. Go home, Ash.
As I drive, I allow myself, for the first time, to think about a life without River. I’ve dated before, but never fully invested myself in anyone. My heart has always been reserved for her.
I gave up years for someone I’m not sure I can even be friends with now.
Maybe I’ll try online dating.
The thought of it, of moving on, makes my stomach churn. If only Craig hadn’t shown up at Taniyah’s.Who am I kidding?River and I have played out every if-only scenario there is. Something always gets in the way.
It’s time I accepted we aren’t meant to be.
Ash Coolidge, pity party for one.
I wish Mrs. Fields had been home. I could use her advice today. She would know how I move on from—“River?”
I feel like I’m seeing things. Pulling into my driveway, River is sitting on my stairs holding a plant in a red polka-dot pot. Her gloves instantly pop to mind. I try to push back all the feelings that rush forward, but she’s ingrained in every fiber of my soul.
My fingers refuse to release the steering wheel for a minute while I struggle to grasp the reality of her being here. I’ve suffered five days of not seeing or hearing from her. I could have reached out, but what the hell would I have said?“Hey, Riv. You crushed me, but just wanted to say hi.”
Yeah, that wasn’t happening.
Taking a few deep breaths, I get out of my truck and make my way toward her. Each step sends a fresh wave of pain through me. Seeing her only reminds me of our last encounter. I’m not sure I can handle her being here. I know I can’t handle looking into her amber eyes. If she cries, I’ll cave and comfort her. We need to break this cycle.
“What are you doing here?”
She pats the step next to her, but I don’t sit. I can’t. Being that close to her will mess with me.
A small sigh carries through the air, and it fills me with irritation. She has no right to sigh at me for keeping my distance. She put this distance between us. She broke my fucking heart.
“I’m sorry, Ash.” She sighs again. This one sadder. “Those two words feel small in comparison to the monumentally awful things I said.”
She pauses and rubs her hands over her knees. That’s when I notice she’s in her overalls I love so much. I have to look back to the ground. I can’t think about all the times seeing her in them has made me smile. All the times I’ve imagined getting her out of them.
