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I wasn’t looking…it was just hard not to notice.
Sure. Whatever you say.
But the situation that tops them all? The one that makes me wish I had caught the worst case of stomach flu ever to avoid? The reunion mixer at Glacier Basin. The dinner is done—thank God, Shep was at a different table—but Danielle has hired a DJ to “take us back in time to the best days of our life.”
I barely refrain from an eye roll. High school was full of great memories. And the not-so-great big one. But I certainly would never refer to them as the best days of my life.
“Isn’t that right?” Brian looks at me expectantly.
What are we talking about? Guilt pricks at my conscience because I’ve tuned the whole conversation out—too focused on Shep talking with Jagger at the edge of the dance floor. The way that he leaned his head back when he laughed with abandon.
“Jade?”
Shit.
What were we talking about?
“Ummm…I suppose?”
“That’s what I’ve tried to tell the parents. I don’t assign homework, because they need to be able to decompress.”
Why are we talking about homework policies in the middle of summer? Granted, we’ll be back to work in two weeks, but we’ve also talked about our agreement on homework before. I only assign one large paper as a semester project. The students can then divvy the time up as they see fit.
Just like I know Brian gives homework problems but then gives the students twenty minutes at the end of class to work through them.
“Alright, guys and gals, we’re going to slow it down now with a love song you may remember pretty well.”
The opening strains of “Don’t You Wanna Stay” by Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson starts and I freeze. I know this song. I’ve played it hundreds of times and listened to Shep murmur it in my ear. It’s our song.
Does he remember?
My gaze finds his and a faint smile plays on his lips. It’s all the answer I need. Heat—a mix of memories and embarrassment that he can still make me flustered with just a look—spreads through me and makes me lightheaded in the wake of the overwhelming sensation.
“I…excuse me. I’ll be right back.”
I shoot up from my chair and don’t wait for Brian’s response.
“Are you okay?” His words barely register.
I wave him away.
“I’m fine. Just need a minute.”
More like I need the rest of the night to lock all my Shep-shaped feelings in the box they seem to have broken out of. But I’ll take the few minutes’ reprieve in the women’s restroom.
Fortunately, Brian doesn’t follow me, and the bathroom is empty when I swing open the door. Staring at myself in the mirror, I note the wide eyes and flushed cheeks. The rapid breathing.
Brian doesn’t inspire this reaction. No one has. Except Shep.
“Stop. Get yourself together,” I lecture my reflection and crank on the cold water.
I lower my hands one at a time in the stream, watching the water slide over the overheated skin of my wrist before it drains lazily down the sink. It’s almost hypnotic and successfully does the job of returning both my breathing and my heartbeat to a regular rhythm.
My turn on the handle is less vicious, and the water slows to a stop. I grab a paper towel from the bin beside me and blot at my damp wrists. There. That’s better. All those emotions are no longer pushing to the surface, even if they are still trying to run amok through my brain. But I’ll deal with that—
“Gah! Shep, you scared the shit out of me.”
I had turned for the door, barely catching his reflection in the mirror. Jumping back, I bump against the granite counter with a wince.
