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CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Lachlan
Idealwithdeathnearly every day. It doesn’t blip my radar, but I worry I’ve ignored how the shooting, and Katya watching me kill yet another man affected her.
We get to the beach house rental, and she perks up seeing the ocean. I open a bottle of red wine, even though she’s a few months shy of twenty-one and I prefer whiskey. I murder people. Giving alcohol to my wife, who is technically underage, won’t affect my sentence if I one day face justice. If they come for me, I’m in for life.
With two glasses in my hands, I steer her to the patio, where we sit and listen to the crashing waves. Fuck, this is peaceful. My house overlooks a stagnant harbor. A tributary of river water, but there’s no sound and very little movement other than the natural ebb and tide of the river flow. The roar of the ocean is invigorating.
Katya finishes the wine in silence. She’s in shock. I pull her onto my lap and stroke her back, hackles raised, knowing she’s still so stressed over what happened.
“Christ, you’re shaking.”
“It hits me on and off. I still can’t hear well.”
Guilt swamps me, and I feel like a heartless jerk. My tactic to make that dosser empty his magazine didn’t take into account my precious angel was a few feet away. I should always think of her. Can I do this? Can I be what she needs?
“The ringing will stop. I promise,” I assure her. “If it’s still bothering you, I’ll find a doctor in the city to check your hearing.” I stroke her cheek, and it heats under my skin.
I kiss her tentatively, wanting to take her mind off what happened, but not take advantage of her vulnerability.
“Lachlan…” Her soft voice stills me.
“Aye?”
“Do you love me?”
The question hits my chest like a physical blow. I live on panoramic mode to see everything coming at me from all angles. I wasn’t expecting this. Choking, I mutter, “I…uh…”
How do I answer this?
Say yes, arsehole.
“Never mind.” She struggles to get off my lap.
“No.” I squeeze her waist.
“You don’t?” The pain in her voice guts me.
“I meant, no, don’t move. Katya, I don’t know what love is. I never expected to have a wife or to share this kind of intimacy with someone.” I gently tug her chin toward me, my throat tightening as I turn the tables on her. “Do you love me?”
She shrugs. “I get this feeling when you look at me. I get excited when I see you. You make me feel incredibly safe and cherished. And… You’re so gorgeous, my body comes alive when you touch me.”
Nodding, I consider the weight of her explanation, the depth. “I feel the same way. I like having you around. I never imagined someone living in my house with me. But it wouldn’t feel the same without you.”
“We’re married, but we’ve just gotten together. It’s silly to think we can have those kinds of feelings, I guess.” She clears her throat. “Maybe in time?”
I’m not the kind of man who likes to wait.
Maybe this is love, but shouldn’t it hit me upside the head? Then again, I have a pretty thick skull, and it’s hard to get my heart rate up. But damn, this woman charges me up like I’m plugged into an electrical socket.
“Katya, you’ve been rehearsing for weeks to audition for that school in London,” I remind her of the cloud hanging over us whenever I look at her.
She’s leaving me.
“There’s no guarantee I’ll get it.”
“I can make sure you get it,” I rasp, knowing I can control that outcome even though the idea of her leaving me gives me hives.
