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She stares at my hand for a moment, and as she tries to take it, the brown leather-bound book she’s holding in her arms slips and falls to the ground, scattering a bunch of cards that look like mini-books next to my car.
“Oh, how clumsy of me! Could you pick them up for me, dear?”
“Sure,” I bend down and grab one book, then another, but before I can pick up the third one, the woman grabs my wrist.
Her hand trembles horribly, and without stopping her wheezing, she flips the cards around and gazes at them intently.
“The Loversandthe Devil,” her trembling voice sounds worried, and she locks eyes with me, her gaze sharp like a knife’s edge. “Pick up the third card!” she urges me and releases my wrist, looking towards the scattered tarot cards.
I stare at the card I intended to pick up, and when I reach out my hand, I hesitate. At the last moment, I change my mind and grab another card to my right, completely ignoring the card in front of me that I initially wanted.
“The Hermit,” the woman says as I flip the card. “The Lovers, the Devil, and the Hermit. You’ll find your soulmate, but his love will bring the darkness into your life. I could have foreseen power, independence, and control, but because you chose the Hermit, everything shifts. Love won’t find you first, disaster will. It will break you apart, yet you’ll love him regardless of the consequences. I see obsession, loneliness, excess, denial, isolation.”
“I don’t believe in these things,” I hand her the cards and try once again to open the car door.
“Why didn’t you choose the card in front of you?”
“Because I changed my mind,” I reply simply and manage to open the door. I toss my bag onto the passenger seat and get into the car.
“You can’t fool destiny,” the woman bends down with difficulty and picks up that card.
“I wouldn’t be the first to try,” I shrug and sigh, thinking about the pressures regarding my mother’s treatment, facing a terminal illness.
I start the engine, and when I’m ready to leave, I hear a loud noise.
I shudder, feeling my heart race. The woman had stuck the card to the car window.
DEATH- the tarot card depicting a black robe with a skeletal face and a scythe in its right hand, is now glued to my car window as if reminding me that its bizarre presence has been haunting me for too long to ignore.
Her thin lips murmur something, but due to the engine noise, I can’t decipher it. Without wasting any more time, I hurry towards my mother.
Damn these scenes from “Drag Me to Hell,” because this just gave me that exact terrifying feeling.
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“How many times have I told you to stop smoking, Mom? You’re in a hospital!” I pace nervously through the ward, leaving the bags on the table and opening the window.
“You know, your father never let me smoke. You resemble him so much.”
I swear it annoys me, but I swallow hard and let it go. She’s sick.
“But you’re harming yourself,” I say and cough, wafting the stuffy air out of the room.
“At least I live my last days the way I want to.”
My mother watches me with narrowed eyes and crossed hands, leaning against the headboard.
“Don’t say that,” I look at her defenseless, and my shoulders slump.
It saddens me to see her so weak, wearing a turban on her head since she lost her hair from the treatment, and her skin so pale.
“I’m sorry, Becca,” my mother senses the sting of her words, and she approaches me, expecting to be embraced, because since she lost so much weight, she has become so slight, so delicate, that I worry she might break if I hold her too tightly.
This feeling tears at my chest, especially when I remember the vibrant, loving hugs she used to give me in my childhood. In her embrace, her strong arms made me feel invincible as if nothing and no one could ever harm me. I squeeze my eyes shut, clenching my teeth, trying to hold back the tears. But they escape, streaming down my cheeks, as I surrender to the weight of her weakened body in my arms.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, burying my face in the curve of her slender neck. My mother is just as short as me.
“I’m scared, so scared, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t help you, I can only love you, Mom.”
