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I giggled, moving over so that I was pressed flush against him. "I like it."
"Do you?"
"Very much," I purred, leaning slightly forward to kiss him. His hand rested on my hip and began to glide lower to my upper thigh where the lace of my dress was. "Aren't you worried I'm going to get pregnant with all the sex we've been having?" I questioned.
"No."
"Why?"
"Well...the chance is pretty low, and if you did, I'd be fine with having a child with you," he confessed. "We're technically married."
I blushed at his reminder, and I lifted my right hand to look at the blessed mark on my wrist that represented my official bond with Orion. I already had one from Finn on my chest that had been done on purpose, and another from Theo that was technically an accident.
"You...want kids?" I asked hesitantly.
"You don't?" he countered. I was quiet for a few seconds, trying to think.
I was a little overwhelmed with everything that I'd been through up to this point. I had thought I was born in Versa, and I had no memories of this place. On top of that, I was still coming to terms with the fact that Magnor, Hellsin, and Harrison were my dads too.
How did I go from this sanctuary to Versa and not remember a single thing? Would I want to have kids? Do I want to bring a child into this world and let them experience what I did? What if I end up doing exactly what Mom did? It's not like she didn't want me, but what if my job ends up coming first, and I end up putting my kid in the same position as Mom and my dads did with me? I wouldn't be able to do that to my kid. There's no way I'd allow it...but what if there was no choice? With the way our lives are at this very moment, could I even afford to get pregnant?
"Blessed Love."
I had to blink out of my daze as I realized a few seconds must have changed to minutes because Orion had a worried look on his face.
He stroked my cheek and then ran his hands through my hair. "What are you thinking?"
"I'm not ready..." I confessed, feeling ashamed. "I...I'm worried...or maybe frightened I'm going to be a horrible mother and end up abandoning our child due to our duties. I mean, I don't know what our duties will be when we graduate Aslan and become Hunters and Huntresses. In fact, I don't know if we'll be allowed to remain as Team Misfit when we graduate, like how my mother was able to remain as Alpha Pure. There are many factors against us, and I honestly don't know if I want kids. Maybe? I just...I want them to be loved and live the best life they can. Not in this world with Forsaken and fighting. Not with the disagreements, seclusion, and the chance of being bullied or hunted for who we are."
I sighed and reached out to press my hand on Orion's chest, trailing it down those chiseled abs as I continued.
"Also, the others. I don't know how everything is going to work with all of us dating. Would we aim to do what Mom did to me? Will...will we all be together in a year...or two years from now? I know I've been vocal about lacking in balancing everyone, but it's tough. I feel more connected to you and Finn, maybe because of our races. Finn isn't a unicorn, but pixies are just as magical and use similar elements. Not to say I'm not into the others. I'm getting closer to Hunter, especially with him watching over Arielle when I'm not around, and I still feel really connected to Cairus and Caio. Theo...I'm feeling distant lately? I don't know why I suddenly feel like that, but whenever I think of him, I worry. I fear he's just going to kind of disappear if I don't get my shit together, but I'm struggling, Orion."
I lifted my gaze to meet his purple one, and he reached out to rub a tear from my cheek that I hadn't even realized had fallen from my watery eyes.
"You're scared you can't handle all of us?"
"I'm afraid I will suck as a girlfriend. You've all been really understanding, especially you and Finn. But the others, I don't think I've given them enough of me for them to realize I'm not going anywhere. I'm just frightened that things are going to come up, one after another, and there will be that debate of who's my favorite. I love all of you. I really do care for each of you with every piece of my heart. With all this constant change and finding out new information left and right in a span of days, I just feel overwhelmed. I want to be strong too, but how can I do that if we're not all on the same page?"
"I think you're doing a good job with everything that has happened. From day one with Old Aslan to New Aslan and all the Trials. I do see why the others might be upset, but I think that anger would be targeted at me more than you."
"Why? You didn't do anything," I pointed out.
"You're more comfortable with Finn and me subconsciously. It's like your shifter body senses the similarities in magic and yearns for it. Especially when you're scared or unaware of what's going on. I believe the others understand that, but it's a mind game when we're looking at the time spent with each guy," Orion explained.
He leaned in to give me a firm kiss on the forehead. "I've been more intimate and have been wanting to show more compassion and love because I know that once we go back, you'll have to spend time with the others, and well...I'll be lonely. It's selfish I know, and Finn kind of understands me, but the others don't know my past to such an extent like you and Finn."
"That's what I want to prevent. You feeling lonely. Everyone feeling left out. I just...don't know how. I can't split myself into two or six," I said with a hint of frustration.
Orion nodded and pulled me into his arms, his hands lowering to my waist as he held me.
"I know, Celestia, and we wouldn't want to push you to your limits. We get it, but I feel this is going to be a process and learning experience. Maybe your mom will have advice because she's married to Magnor, Hellsin, Harrison, and the Asshole."
I had to take a second to try and figure out who the Asshole was. "I have a hunch Asshole is referring to Orlando?"
"Yes."
"You realize you hold grudges?"
