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"Lie?"
"Mom...do you not know what I went through? Or did you not hear about it from Dad?"
"What happened? To be honest, Orlando and I have been having difficulties contacting each other. I've been traveling around to different dimensions doing my best to save other shifters. Whenever I asked Orlando if you were okay, he said you were. He didn't call you more often? I knew Magnor said he wanted to train you and keep an eye on you after some incident, but he never went into details. I guess because I was in the middle of a dangerous rescue mission, but what did I miss?" Mom asked innocently.
Her mismatched pink and purple eyes told me right away that she was clueless as to how bad my childhood had been.
"Are you and Dad getting a divorce?" I asked bluntly.
"No, not at all, Sweetheart. What makes you think that? That's the second time you've brought it up. What happened when you were younger that I'm not aware of?" Mom stressed.
I frowned, and shrugged my shoulders in disappointment. I didn't know if I was disappointed in my dad for not telling my mom, or if I was sad that they weren't getting divorced.
"Why do you love Dad when he doesn't even care about me?" I mumbled.
"Celestia. Who said he doesn't care? What did he do?"
"Mom. When I was nine, I tried to kill myself."
The room was utterly silent, and I didn't bother to look at her expression before I continued. "Ever since you left and Dad followed soon after, I was bullied. Everyone treated me poorly, Mom. The people at the marketplace would throw food at me. When I went to school, the kids laughed at me, kicked me, and punched me while the teacher did nothing to stop it. There were days that the person you guys hired to take care of me never showed up. In fact, they stopped showing up eventually, and I was left alone. When I was sick, I was alone. When I was hurt, I had to bandage my own wounds. I was the only unicorn shifter registered, and instead of feeling precious or valued, I felt like a piece of garbage that even animals didn't want."
I lifted my gaze and saw my mom’s devastated face staring at me in disbelief. "One night it was raining, and after getting beat up again that week, I had enough. I wanted to die. It was better than having parents who couldn't even check on me or everyone hating me. I was on my way to finish the deed when Magnor found me. He took me in and essentially raised me. Arielle came along not too long after. She is my familiar, and well...here we are. Aside from Dad contacting Magnor to hand over the dual swords he got for me, and getting the beads from you for Sia and me...we barely talked."
Mom was speechless, but I kept going, determined to reveal everything.
"Dad apologized when I made it to new Aslan, and he said he would try to make things right. He assured me he wanted to be a better father, but when I needed him the most, he wasn't there, Mom. I got tainted during the exam at school when there was a mishap, and I felt really bad. I knew in my soul there was something wrong with me, and I went to see Dad repeatedly. Each time the secretary told me he was busy or that he was in a meeting. That day right before the storm, and I used my magic to knock her out so that I could see Dad. That's how desperate I was, Mom. I needed help because I was frightened I'd become a Forsaken."
A tear rolled down my cheek, but I brushed it away with my hand. "I told him that there was something wrong with me. I begged him to help me or even to call you to help me. That's when he said you two weren't really talking, and he said he wouldn't call you. I just...I felt discarded. Just like I had when I was small. It made me wonder if the kids on the playground were right. Maybe I shouldn't have existed, because now that I needed help, my own dad didn't care. I walked out of the office feeling defeated, and well...if it wasn't for Finn and Magnor...I...don't think I'd be here," I confessed with my head low.
"Celestia...I...didn't know," Mom whispered.
"Well...surprise? I was so scared to see you because I thought...I thought you'd reject me too. If it weren’t for Magnor, Arielle, and the guys, I don't know where I'd be, Mom. I've faced Forsaken on multiple occasions now, and even though I try to be strong, it's so fucking scary. I want to be strong, but I continue to have these nightmares about Darkness and me being a Queen. I don't know how long I can fight it anymore. I asked Dad if I'm tainted, but he wouldn't even lift his eyes from his work to look at me. I could have died, and he wouldn't have cared. I just thought maybe if Dad could reject me so easily, maybe you didn't want me either? Was I a mistake, Mom?"
She gawked at me, and I let my tears fall as I stared desperately into her eyes. "If I was a mistake, it's okay to say so. At least it would make sense why my parents don't care about me. Like...Magnor's not even my dad, but he loved me better. If you could have just told me you were busy saving people, I would have understood. I wouldn't have begged you to come back. At least I would have known you were truly busy. Instead, all I knew was my mom was in some dimension it was hard to communicate with while Dad was, apparently, a gatekeeper. Now I find out years later they were all lies. So if this was because you never wanted me, I'll accep-"
"Celestia," Mom whispered, and I watched tears roll down her cheeks as I trembled.
"If...If you didn't want me, you could just say so, Mom. I won't be mad...I won't...I won't be upset. I'll accept it and never get in your way again." I meant every word. Quietly, I began to whimper.
Mom reached out and pulled me into her arms, and I couldn't fight back anymore. I wept like a baby. How I missed my mom's hugs and comforting presence in my life, but if she regretted having me, I'd understand and leave her life for good. I'd made the decision in my mind last night before bed, hoping it would lower the agonizing pain that would come with knowing my parents never wanted me, but it still hurt like an open wound, and I didn't know what to do to stop it.
My tears would only bring my mother guilt, and I didn't want that for her. Anything could have happened to cause her not to want me.
Maybe I came by accident, and they weren't ready to have a unicorn shifter who was a part of an almost extinct race. Whatever the reason, I was willing to accept it and leave the picture for good.
Why stay in someone's life when all you reminded them of was what they could have done without your entry into the world?
"Celestia, you are NOT a mistake. You have no idea what a blessing you are in my life. I didn't know. I swear I had no clue it was that bad. Orlando and I were having issues communicating, and I guess we had our own share of arguments and disagreements. I never expected it to impact you in such a negative way," Mom confessed and pulled back to stare directly into my eyes.
"I asked Magnor to check on you because I hadn't heard from Orlando for a while. I knew he was having difficulties with the Council, and they were monitoring his phones calls and who he was associating with, so Orlando had to lay low for a few months before he secured his position at Aslan. Magnor did tell me he found you hurt and took you in, but the reception had been so bad, the line had cut off. I couldn't get a hold of him until a few days later, and I couldn't leave the mission we were conducting because I was the commander. I kept trying to call. I called until I finally got service, but Magnor said you were better, but resting. All I could hear was your soft inhales and exhales, and Magnor did his best to keep me posted that you were safe. I never thought you were bullied."
"Magnor knew," I whispered.
Mom sighed. "Magnor doesn't like telling me stuff because he knows I'd stop everything and come home. During that time, it was when we began our mission to save as many unicorns as we could because they were being hunted and slain in broad daylight. However, that's no excuse to ignore you." She hugged me again and held me for a long time as I cried. I knew she was doing everything not to break down, quietly shedding her tears for the sake of comforting me.
"So I'm not a mistake? You don't hate me? I can come back if I miss you? Mommy, I really missed you." I sobbed uncontrollably.
"Oh, Sweetheart. I missed you every single day. Every chance I got I looked at your photo. I wished so hard that I could be there for you instead of doing my duty as a Commander. I know all I've said sounds like excuses, and that's what they are, but if I truly knew how bad the situation had been, I would have come home in a heartbeat. You are my life, Celestia. You are my little me, and I never expected that my lack of being physically there for you would have caused you so much turmoil. Baby, please forgive your mother. If I could go back and change everything, I would." She held me as tightly as she could as she cried.
