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‘Darcie, you don’t know if she’d even want to date me. Besides… I don’t know if I want to date again. After Aaliyah, I’m not sure I can face going through all that again.’
‘Honey, you get one life. I appreciate your fears and understand them completely but as you’ve told me often, time waits for no one and so you have to grab happiness where you can.’
‘I guess so.’
‘I know so.’
Darcie put the cream down and opened her arms and gave him a hug. ‘I love you, Finn, and I’ve always got your back.’
‘I know. Thank you.’ He squeezed her back.
‘Right… let’s get this trifle to the table, shall we?’
He nodded and picked up the cut glass bowl that used to belong to their mum and they went over to the table. As Finn set the bowl down, he met Ellie’s gaze and smiled. Whatever may or may not happen, it was extremely nice to see her again.
Chapter10
Ellie
Two weeks passed in the blink of an eye. Ellie was enjoying life in the village. She’d started painting the rooms in the cottage to freshen them up, was using the fresh produce from the garden in her baking and making the most of taking walks in the fresh autumnal air. Life in Wisteria Hollow was different from life in Watford. She had liked it there, but she preferred the quieter pace of life in the village, the rural surroundings and the cosy cottage that felt like home already.
Since she’d had lunch with Darcie and her family she’d seen her friend again several times. They’d met in the café and Darcie had also come to the cottage to see how Ellie was settling in. But she hadn’t seen Finn again. Well, only from a distance as he’d driven past and she’d realised it was him because of the sign on the side of the green van. She told herself that he was busy, she was busy and the nights were drawing in, so by the time she imagined Finn finished for the day, she was usually tucked up in front of the TV or reading a good book in front of the log fire. She didn’t mind because it gave her time to think, to relax and to focus on herself. She’d felt a bit discombobulated after she’d seen Finn at Darcie’s. He was lovely, she’d had that confirmed for her, but she didn’t really know him anymore. Not like she had done when they were younger. Back then, he’d been her best friend’s older brother but also her friend. They’d spent a lot of time together when she’d been at Darcie’s and she’d talked to him about all sorts of things, had watched endless movies with him as well as nineties shows likeShooting StarsandEurotrash, to name a few. There had been times when Darcie had fallen asleep and it had just been Ellie and Finn left awake, laughing at the TV and casting shy glances at each other in the darkness of the family lounge. There had been times when they’d cooked pizza together and made popcorn, when they’d accidentally brushed hands in the kitchen as they’d reached for the same glass or pizza slice, times when they’d sat close on the sofa, their legs almost touching. But then there had also been the time when Ellie had been drunk and craving intimacy and she’d made a move on Finn and he had rejected her. It had stung so hard she could feel it even now like a slap to her cheek.
So time without seeing Finn again was a good thing. It gave her the chance to think about where she was in her life and what she wanted. And if she indulged in the occasional fantasy about what it would be like if she spent more time with Finn now, then that was all right too because it was harmless and what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. Or her.
She shook her head at herself, laughing softly. What was she, seventeen again?
She picked up her clippers and the large wicker basket she’d found under the stairs and headed out into the back garden. Some of the trees and the blackberry bushes were heavy with fruit and she wanted to pick some and use it up before it fell to the ground and rotted. There was no sense in wasting it.
In the garden, the morning sun was weak but nonetheless, it warmed her face. She was wearing a baggy old maroon jumper and worn boyfriend jeans that had been her daughter’s but that her daughter had left behind when she moved out. Ellie had found them in the drawer and tried them on, marvelling at how comfy they were and she’d decided to keep them for herself. They sat lower on her waist than some of her jeans but they were looser around the bum and thighs and they made her feel younger and slimmer, which was never a bad thing.
She walked along the path, watching as a robin hopped over the grass, pausing to shake his tail and to perform a funny little jig as if he could hear music. What was it that some people said?Robins appear when loved ones are near…
Was this a sign from her aunt that she was nearby? That would be nice. It was lovely having the cottage but she did miss her aunt’s presence. Iris had been a wonderful woman with a talent for baking delicious pies, crocheting just about anything out of scraps of wool and a whizz with a crossword. Ellie found crossword puzzles confusing, unless they were pretty basic that was, but her aunt had been able to work out the clues like she was Sherlock Holmes and Ellie had been fascinated by the skill. She felt sure that not many people could be that good at crosswords and yet her aunt was. It seemed such a waste then of her aunt’s intelligence and knowledge that it was all gone now. All that wisdom and learning stored up over the years had been lost along with her warm and compassionate heart and her numerous other skills. The human condition seemed so tragic when she thought about it like that and so it was one of the things that made her hope that there was something after death. There had to be even if it was just an energy that remained because otherwise, where did everything go? Everything that made people who they were with hearts and minds and hopes and dreams and love. So much love.
When she reached the end of the garden where the fruit trees were, she placed the basket on the ground and stood up and stretched. She used to do yoga regularly and thought she should take it up again now that she had more time. It would be good for her, especially now that her joints were starting to creak more and some mornings she felt stiff all over when she got out of bed.
She stood still for a moment and breathed in deeply then exhaled slowly. She did that a few more times then raised her arms above her head and looked up into the sky.
Blue. Perfectly blue. Not a cloud to be seen.
The air was fresh and clean.
The sun was a hazy orb in the east.
It would get warmer later but thankfully not summer warmth, just enough to take the chill off the air and to make the perfect autumnal day.
She brought her hands down to her chest and placed her palms together then raised her right foot and pressed it to the inside of her left leg. She wobbled a bit, out of practice, so she breathed slowly, focusing on pressing her weight into the grass.
There. That was better.
She swapped legs and found her balance again then stood that way for a few moments and closed her eyes, becoming aware of her body, feeling where her limbs were tight and where they felt looser, aiming to become more relaxed in the way she wanted to be.
Yes, she was out of practice, but she could definitely get back into this again. The breathing alone was a sure way to release stress and lower blood pressure and everyone needed to lower their blood pressure these days.
She planted both feet firmly on the grass, shook herself out then went to the apple tree and started gathering fruit. She was humming to herself, an Ed Sheeran medley, when something high up in the tree caught her eye.
What was that? A squirrel?
