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‘I know, Finn. I know you’d never hurt me deliberately.’
He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face then remembered that he was caked in makeup. He glanced at his hand. ‘Oops.’
Ellie giggled. ‘It’s OK. You just look a bit smudged now but still very zombie-like.’
‘Ha! That’s all right then.’
They gazed at each other for a few silent moments and Finn downed half his drink trying to find some courage.
‘Ellie, see… there are a few reasons why I didn’t want to take things too far the other week. I like you. A lot. But… we’ve both been hurt. You said your ex was unfaithful and mine was too. It makes it hard to trust again, doesn’t it?’
She nodded.
‘But it’s more than that. I uhhh… I feel like I’m not good enough for you.’
‘What?’
He exhaled audibly. ‘Yeah. I mean, my confidence was shot when Aaliyah walked out on me. What kind of husband must I have been for her to look elsewhere?’
‘Oh, Finn, that wasn’t on you.’ She reached out and took his free hand in hers. ‘You’re a lovely man. If your wife looked elsewhere then it was because she was looking for something else. The same with my husband.’
‘I guess so. But it does leave you doubting yourself, wondering what they had that you don’t.’
‘But it’s not about us, is it? Sometimes relationships just don’t work out.’
‘I know. And then… there’s what you went through with your ex and my worries that I could end up hurting you. It would be unintentional, obviously, but what if I’m not good enough to make you happy? That’s why I stopped kissing you and, of course, because you were vulnerable after just finding out that your aunt was your mum. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to kiss you and more… because believe me, I did. You are so beautiful.’ He put his drink down and gently pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, fought the urge to press a kiss there.
Ellie’s eyes wandered over his face. ‘So you do find me attractive?’
‘Of course I do. I’m just not a simple guy. I can’t get physically involved without an emotional connection and with you… it would be so much more than physical. Although that part, I am sure, would be amazing.’
‘I understand what you mean. But… For me this is hard because you’ve rejected me twice.’
‘Twice?’ He frowned.
‘Don’t you remember?’
He thought back for a moment. ‘Oh god, yes. But that was different. We were kids back then.’
‘But you still rejected me. I had the biggest crush on you and I wanted you to… take my virginity.’
‘You were seventeen.’
‘Old enough. Older than most of my friends who’d lost theirs.’
‘But I was older and it felt wrong.’
‘Not by much. It was so humiliating. I came to you and asked you to make love to me and you declined.’
‘Ellie, it was only because of the age difference, because you were my sister’s best friend and because you were drunk.’
‘I was drunk. But I had to summon the courage somehow.’
‘We were friends too and the last thing I wanted was to hurt you or to have you feel I’d taken advantage of you.’
‘Like now?’ she asked.
‘Yes. I guess so.’
