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His jaw is clenched as he stares at the screen. He looks stressed. He is definitely annoyed.
We’ve had such a perfect day. Breakfast, the surprise date, takeout sushi for dinner and now we’re cuddling in bed together. But it seems like it’s about to take a turn. And not in a good way.
I sit up in bed cross-legged and turn to face him, placing a hand on his cheek so he looks at me.
“Is everything okay?”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “It’s my mom. She invited me for dinner.”
I exhale a breath, thankful that it’s nothing serious. “Okay. From the look on your face, I thought it might be bad news. Why do you seem anxious about it?”
Grayson sits up, his back against the headboard. He stares out the bedroom window before shaking his head. “I hardly ever go home because I hate it. I hate being around my dad.”
I find his calf underneath the bed sheet and squeeze. Grayson had told me that he and his dad weren’t close, and I knew about the accident, but I didn’t realize things between them were this bad. There has to be more to the story, but I’m not sure Grayson will open up and tell me. “I’m sorry, Gray. Do you want to talk about it?”
He doesn’t answer right away, but I can see from his expression that he’s okay with me asking about it.
“Do you think you and your dad will ever have a better relationship?”
He sighs. “Good question. I’m not sure. He’s a tough person to love. He has his struggles.”
“What kind of struggles?” I ask carefully, my hand still on his leg. “It’s okay if you don’t wanna talk about it.”
His chest deflates. “No, it’s fine. I should probably fill you in,” he says, inhaling then exhaling a sharp breath. “My dad is an addict… pain pills and alcohol. It started after the accident that crushed his leg. Doctors were able to put his leg back together through several surgeries, but the pain never went away. And I guess… he started abusing his meds, drinking a lot. He lost control. On top of it all, he was angry all the time. And if he wasn’t angry, he was high—too high to go to work some days, or even to get out of bed.”
I listen quietly while he tells me about his childhood, about growing up with an unstable dad and a mom who was often exhausted. It’s clear how much Gray loves his mom. Even though she was distracted by her husband’s addiction, he says she never missed a game or practice, and she tucked him and his sister in every night. I listen, filled with compassion and also with hurt, for the worry and disappointment Grayson has been through.
“He missed a lot of work, and the garage was struggling, so my mom had to pick up extra hours at the grocery store where she worked. And I started to help out at the garage so that my mom wasn’t the only one carrying the financial burden.”
“Grayson, my God. You were just a kid. That shouldn’t have been your responsibility.”
“My mom took on most of it. She was a saint through all of it. Still is.”
“She’s lucky to have you. Your dad is too.”
Grayson gives me a sad smile. “I wish you had your parents when you were growing up. It’s not fair.”
My heart shoots up to my throat. That familiar pang of sadness grabs hold, threatens to take me under.
“I often wonder how different my life would have been if that night never happened.” I admit shakily. “But it is what it is. I can’t go back and change things. I can’t bring them back.”
“If I had one wish it would be to bring them back to you.”
My eyes flood with tears, “Gray—"
“Come here,” he says, reaching for me, hauling me into his chest. “I’m glad you didn’t let their deaths defeat you.”
I breathe him in, soaking in his woodsy scent. “For a while I think I did, but at some point, I stopped feeling that crushing weight of sadness and started finding happiness in little things every day. It took some time, but with the help of my grandparents and Jake I cried a little less every day. Sometimes I still have bad days where I struggle to understand why them, or what we could have done differently.”
“There’s nothing you could have done differently, Sierra.”
“I know.”
“You know you can talk to me anytime. Even when you have a nightmare.”
I nod against his warm skin, wondering if he knows just how much that means to me. I want more than anything for him to be the person I can turn to when I’m hit hard with those terrifying memories.
I snuggle into his chest, suddenly tired from the day. “If it’s makes it easier, I can go with you to your parents. If you’re okay with that.”
