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And the reality is, Jake is my family and family will always come first.
So where does that leave Grayson?
TWENTY-ONE
I DON’T REGRET A THING.
Grayson
Tucker, Holden and Beckett are on the trail in front of me, wearing full face helmets and cruising down the mountain with their feet on the breaks to control their speed. The sky is blue and there’s a slight breeze in the air. It’s a perfect day and I’m in my favorite place with my best friends.
And I’m miserable.
Usually, the mountain is where I go to decompress, to clear my head and get that rush of adrenaline that downhill riding always gives me. But today all I can think of is Sierra. She’s heartbroken, and I’m partly to blame for that.
I should have backed off. If I had, we wouldn’t be in this mess and Sierra would still have her brother.
But I followed my heart instead of my head. I was so infatuated with Sierra that she was all I could think about. I should have been thinking about Jake and his feelings too.
Despite everything, if I’m honest, I don’t regret a thing.
Sierra is worth it.
Now if I could only get her brother to understand that he has nothing to worry about. That I love her.
I haven’t spoken to Jake in almost a week. The last time I saw him he was storming out of Sierra’s place. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve tried to call him, how many messages I’ve left. Worse than that is the fact that he’s ghosting Sierra as well.
She’s heartbroken. She’s gone from sad to angry to… empty. It kills me every time I look at her and see that vacant, lost look in her eyes.
I haven’t seen much of Sierra in the past few days, which has me tied up in knots. She’s been sleeping at her own house, making up excuses as to why I can’t stay with her. I’ve gotten so used to having her in my bed that now I can’t sleep without her there. I hate it.
I’ve tried to convince myself that this will pass, that I just need to give it time. I go through the motions of the day, dragging my ass to work. I’ve done a good enough job that most of my team hasn’t seemed to notice—with the exception of Beckett, who’s been walking on eggshells around me, watching me like I may lose my shit at any given moment.
Deep down, my biggest fear is that Sierra will decide that we’re not worth it. And how could I blame her? Her brother and her grandma are the only family she has left. What kind of an asshole would I be if I make her choose between me and Jake?
Every day, I wonder if this is the day when Jake will show up. And if he does, will he be ready to forgive me? Or will he take a swing at me for lying to him for the past couple of months? Maybe he’ll never forgive me. All I know for sure is that he’s still hellbent on avoiding me.
I can tell that the guys feel bad for me. When I finally told them that Sierra and I are together, they weren’t surprised.“Yeah, I’ve known for weeks,” Holden said. “How stupid do you think I am?” Beckett was all too happy to rub it in my face. “Did you learn absolutely nothing from me?”
Of course, they wanted to know how it started, and how long we’ve been sneaking around. But they never askedwhywe kept our relationship a secret. I think they understand. They know that Jake would have blown a gasket.
Holden and Tucker both tried to reassure me, saying that Jake will come around. Here’s hoping they’re right.
When I catch up to the guys at the bottom of the hill, my helmet isn’t even off before they’re giving me the gears.
“We were scared we were going to have to ride back up and help you down,” Tucker says, sweat dripping from his neck. “We thought you got lost or someone kidnapped you. We were just about to draw straws to see which one of us had to go rescue your ass. What the fuck took you so long?”
I rest my helmet on my lap, shaking my sweat-soaked hair like a dog. The rush of adrenaline I always feel when I barrel down a mountain is missing. I had hoped a ride would take my mind off everything for a little while, but instead I feel numb.
“You guys are assholes. I’m just having a shit morning,” I say, unzipping my pocket and digging out my phone. I swipe the screen, hoping to see a missed call from Sierra.Nothing. “I’m gonna skip lunch today and help my dad at the garage.”
“You sure?” Beckett asks. “We can make it a quick one.”
“Yeah, he needs a little help.”
“Okay, man,” Beckett says after a moment. “If you need anything, you know where we are.”
I nod, put my helmet back on and ride towards my car. I’m done talking about this mess. I just want to get this shit day over with.
