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You shouldn’t be feeling this way about him! Not when you know he doesn’t feel the same way! All Luocre wants from you is a plaything. He wants a toy that he can manipulate and abuse! You need to let go.
I take several deep breaths as the door shuts gently behind Luocre.
Echo chirrups and then the iypinnit lets out several little rasping barks before she jumps on my bed.
I go about cleaning up for the evening, including giving Echo a bath and changing my bedsheets. As I do, I think about how well and truly screwed I am.
I am in so much danger right now. Luocre isn’t going to leave me alone – not now and not ever.
And I know that the path we’re on will eventually only lead to one thing – injury or worse.
Being close to Luocre might turn me on, but I cannot risk my life in his presence.
I think back to the times I have seen several of the Ilnais family practicing their swordplay. It was mostly Rhiucra and Uhicra, using their broadswords in the courtyard and putting on a display for Morgath and the servants.
We would watch as they sparred back and forth until they were covered in sweat.
Rhiucra proved himself to be a great swordsman several times and nearly took his father’s eye out a few times.
Will this actually help you? Learning how to fight?
Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. All I know is that I need to learn how to protect myself.
I shudder as I think of myself, parrying every blow from Luocre’s sword until he has me up against a wall and is wrenching the sword out of my hands.
My face grows warm as I brush through Echo’s fur, as the little iypinnit lays curled up in my lap, and I know I am blushing.
He’s dangerous! How many times are we going to go over this?
But I know that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter how many times I try to warn myself away from Luocre.
It doesn’t matter how many times Rhiucra tries to sway me from him. It doesn’t matter how many servants flee before Lucore.
I am stuck on him, on the assassin, and it is all I can do not to throw myself at him every time we’re in the same room together.
21
NEVEAH
Ididn’t sleep last night. Every sound startled me, and I jumped up at each one, looking for Luocre. I’m still not sure if I wanted it to be him.
I’m still not sure it wasn’t.
All I know is I feel the exhaustion lining every part of my weary bones. It’s only making the insanity in my head worse. I keep turning over my interaction with Luocre in my head. Every time he got close, all I could hear was Rhiucra’s warning.
It lingered in my mind long after Luocre left. It should have made me relieved, but I couldn’t help feeling equal parts dejected and confused. I shouldn’t want him near me.
But he’s all I’m thinking about.
Sometimes I wonder where he is as I walk around the manor, but something has been changing between us. I swear, I can almost feel it when he’s around.
And that’s why I’m pretty sure he was watching me last night.
I turn the corner, not really paying attention to where I am, and I stumble straight into a chest. Instantly, I recognize the arms wrapping around me, my stomach sinking a little as he reaches out to settle me.
“Woah.” Rhiucra chuckles as he pulls back to look at me. His hands stay on my arms, and I’m acutely aware of his touch. “Are you okay?”
I blink up at him, at his easy smile, and a tendril of anger unfurls in my stomach. I bury it, not wanting to acknowledge the blame I place on him and not Luocre. “Yeah.” I take a step back, and his hands hover in the air before falling. “Why?”
