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Ben, however, seemed completely focused on the darn cow.
“Now watch,” he murmured, and Rachel had to use all her energy to focus on the process of attaching cup to teat, rather than the warm, solid male body next to hers. “See?” he said, straightening so his shoulder pressed more firmly against hers. Her mind felt fuzzy.Whywas he so unaffected?
Then she remembered. She couldn’t believe she’d forgotten for even a moment. He’d rejected her when she’d wanted him to kiss her. Pushed her away from him firmly. He might as well have said ‘no thank you’ aloud. Of course he wasn’t affected now.
“Yes, I see,” she managed, and she stood up, trying to make the movement natural rather than abrupt. Ben wasn’t fooled though, because he twisted around to look at her, a frown settling between his brows.
“Rachel…?”
“I’ll get going with the next one,” she said, turning away from him. Amazingly, she found she could do it now. She certainly wasn’t nervous about acow, not when she felt that cringing mixture of humiliation and hurt that she’d fooled herself into believing she’d moved past.
They worked in silence until all the cups were attached, and then, after they’d washed their hands and dried off, Ben went back to his coat by the door and produced a thermos and two tin mugs. “Voila.”
“Is that tea?”
“Of course.”
“You think of everything,” Rachel managed, but her voice came out a little false. She was still cringing inside, even though she was trying not to.
He frowned again, cocking his head to one side. “You okay?”
“Yeah. You know, tired. And a bit strung out. But I’m okay.” She nodded her head a few too many times.
“Get this in you,” Ben replied, and handed her a cup of warm, sweet tea. Rachel took it, cradling the mug between her hands, grateful for its warmth. “How’s your dad holding up?”
“He’s been in bed for most of the time since he came home from the hospital. He seemed tired, but I don’t know if that’s emotional or physical.”
“Probably both.”
“Yes.”
They stood and sipped in silence for a while, while all around the cows did their business.
“And if it is something serious?” Ben asked finally. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to stay,” Rachel replied firmly. At least she knew her own heart on that. “I’ve missed enough of my dad’s life already. I’m not going to miss any more.”
He nodded slowly, looking thoughtful. “Your fancy company back in London won’t mind you working remotely for a bit longer?”
“I don’t think so.” Rachel shrugged. “And anyway,” she added a bit recklessly, “I don’t have to be tied to them forever.” Ben raised his eyebrows, looking both surprised and sceptical. Rachel wasn’t even sure why she’d said such a thing. She’d been with Wallace and Wakeman for nearly ten years; she’d never even thought about leaving. “I mean, I don’t think it will come to that, of course,” she said, deciding a quick backtrack was the best option.
“Of course.” Ben nodded slowly, seeming as if he expected her to say exactly that. “Well, it’s good to have you here,” he finished as he downed the last of his tea.
Rachel heard herself returning spikily, “Is it?”
Ben slowly lowered the mug from his lips and stared at her. Rachel stared back, even though she could feel herself flush and she hadn’t meant to say something so prickly and provocative.
“What,” Ben asked slowly, “is that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do.”
She bit her lip and then decided to be honest. Why not? What did she have left to lose when it came to this man? “The other night,” she admitted, casting her gaze downwards because she could be honest, but she couldn’t look at him while she was. “You didn’t seem to think it was good to have me around then.” She kept her gaze firmly fastened on the floor as she waited for Ben to respond. And waited. And waited.
“It wasn’t quite like that,” he said at last. She couldn’t tell anything from his tone, but still,quite?
“Then how was it?”
