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“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“I know you are.” She hugged him for a few seconds, longing to imbue him with her love, her acceptance, because she knew that was what he needed right now. “But those boys need to hear that, too,” she told him, and he tensed, drawing away from her to look at her in abject horror. “You need to apologize to them.”
“Mum, Ican’t—”
“I’m not saying it’s easy,” Sarah cut across him. “Far from it. But it’s necessary, and I think you know that.”
Owen shook his head frantically. “Please—”
Sarah well knew the awkwardness of such an encounter would be near unbearable for him, just as she knew it had to be done.
“Ask Ben to go with you,” she suggested, keeping her voice firm. “That will make it easier, and it’s my understanding that he needs to apologize as well. He went along with all this?”
“Yeah.” Owen scuffed one shoe along the floor. “Pretty much.”
“Well, then.” She gave a brisk nod. “The two of you will apologize to the other boys, and maybe think twice about hanging around Luke Jones, if he’s calling people ‘total weirdoes.’”
“Mum…”
She held up a hand to forestall his protests. “I’m just saying. It’s something to think about.”
Owen let out a groan of protest, but Sarah thought he’d do it. At least, she hoped he would. And she felt she’d handled that better than she might have once done, all things considered.
Owen had just slouched up to his room with a bag of crisps—Sarah had let him take them without comment—when her phone pinged with a text.
It was from Nathan.
I think you’re right. Shall we meet tonight? Maybe at the pub, so we can have some privacy from the kids?
What didthatmean? she wondered, her stomach hollowing out with anxiety even as her heart lurched with hope. Was this a good sign—or areallybad one? She’d meant what she’d said to Ellie; she took her vows seriously, and she was willing to fight for her marriage.
But the question remained… was Nathan?
The pub where they’d agreed to meet was on the outskirts of their village, just a five-minute walk from the house. Sarah had told Mairi and Owen only that she was going for a walk, not wanting to face the barrage of questions they’d ask her if they knew she was meeting their dad. It felt like a small but necessary deception, and they’d seemed to buy it, even if going for a walk at eight o’clock on a dark, wintry evening wasn’t really like her.
She walked along slowly, half-dreading what was to come, but also half-hoping. As she walked down the street, she saw Christmas trees twinkling in neighbors’ houses, lights strung outside, wreaths on the doors, once even an inflatable reindeer in the garden. They were all festive signs of welcoming homes, happy families. Not like hers.
Nathan was already in the pub, seated in a booth, when Sarah arrived. Another good sign—or a bad one? She had no idea. She felt as if she didn’t know anything anymore, and the realization of her own ignorance was jarring.
“Hey.” She shed her coat as she slipped into the booth.
Nathan was nursing a pint, but he stood up as she sat down. “What can I get you to drink?”
“A glass of red would be nice, thank you.” She had a feeling she might need the fortification.
Nathan went to the bar for her drink while Sarah attempted to steady her jangling nerves. It felt as if a lot was riding on this conversation, and she didn’t know how to approach it. But maybe she shouldn’t try to find an angle, frame things a certain way. Maybe she just needed to be as honest—and as vulnerable—as she could be.
The thought was fairly terrifying.
She glanced around the pub, which was quiet on a weekday evening, a pleasant smell of woodsmoke from the fireplace hanging in the air, a few fairy lights twinkling along the smoke-stained beams.I’m Dreaming of a White Christmaswas playing, at low volume on the speakers.
Nathan returned with her drink, putting it in front of her before sliding into the booth opposite with a wry grimace. “How are you?” he asked.
“Well.” Sarah took a sip of wine. Here went honesty. “I’ve been better, to tell you the truth.”
“Hmm.” He looked away, and she had a feeling he hadn’t wanted that answer. Not a good start.
She took another sip of wine.
