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“You don’t?”
“I’m sorry, but I just need some time on my own. Right now, I feel like Idon’twant to be married, full stop.” His expression was already morphing from one of genuine regret to something stubborn and defiant. “Maybe that will change with time, but I’m forty-six, Sarah, and I feel like I’ve let the last twenty years just slide by—”
“Twenty years? You mean, the entire length of our marriage?” she retorted in disbelief. “The years we had ourchildren? Those years justslid byfor you?”
He shook his head. “I knew you wouldn’t understand.”
“No, I don’t understand.” Her voice rose in anger, but she felt too wound up, too devastated, to moderate her tone. “You madevows. You haveresponsibilities. Never mind me, you havechildrenwho love you, who are hurt and confused by you simply walking out of their lives. Doesn’t that meananythingto you?”
“I told you, I’ll still see the children—”
“When? How? It’s been two weeks and you’ve only seen them once.”
His eyes flashed with both anger and guilt. “I know, and like I said, I needed some space.”
“You don’t have that luxury, Nathan!” The words came out in something close to a shout and Nathan scowled.
“Sarah, you’re making a scene—”
“I’m making a scene?Iam?” She rose from the table, her whole body shaking with anger. “Forget about me,” she told him. “Forget about our marriage, the vows we made in a church, for better or worse, for richer or poorer. All that. But think of yourchildren. They don’t deserve this, Nathan. They need you. They need a father. Walk out on me if you must, even if you do without so much as firing a warning shot, but don’t walk out on them.”
For a second, his expression softened, collapsing into lines of regret and sorrow. “I’m sorry,” he said in a low voice. “You must think I’m a complete—”
“Yes, I do,” she cut him off, her voice breaking. “But I still want to save our marriage. If you don’t, then there’s nothing much I can do about it, I suppose. But even if you become single again, you’re still a dad. Don’t forget that. Please.”
And then, not trusting herself to say anything more without breaking down completely, she turned and headed out of the pub.
Sarah walked on autopilot, just as she had the other day to the inn, one foot in front of another, her mind blank because she couldn’t manage anything more. She couldn’t bear to think about any of this.
She’d got halfway home when a sob escaped her, and she fell to her knees, right there on the pavement, her arms wrapped around her middle.Nathan… How could this have happened to her? To them? Was he really going to opt out of their marriage like it was a business deal he could walk away from?
“Miss, miss… Are you all right?”
Sarah blinked up to see a kindly looking man walking his little terrier gazing down at her.
“Yes.” She gulped back the tears she wasn’t ready to let fall. “Yes. Sorry. Just…” There was no explanation to be kneeling on a cold, wet pavement, and so she lurched up, gave him a quick, apologetic smile, and kept walking. She couldn’t go home and face the children by herself, not without breaking down all over again.
Resolutely, Sarah picked up her phone, dialed.
“Mum?” she said when her mother answered. “Can you come and get me? I need you…”
CHAPTER18
GWEN
Gwen had learned to be good in a crisis. She’d had to, after David died, because she hadn’t had him to lean on. When she’d been younger, she’d been a bit of a panicker; David would tease her about getting into a flap. Now, when Sarah called her, sounding so broken, Gwen felt as if she knew exactly what to do.
“I’m coming right now,” she stated calmly. “Where are you?”
“I don’t know.” Sarah let out a hiccuppy sob which tore at Gwen’s heart. “Somewhere between home and the Deverill Arms… um, Ash Grove?”
“I’ll be there in five minutes.”
Gwen felt surprisingly, almost eerily, calm as she slipped out of the house—Matthew and Ellie were in the sitting room, watching something on the telly—and into the car. She wasn’t used to driving at night, and it took her a moment to orient herself in the dark, driving slowly down the lane with a crunch of gravel. Whatever Sarah was going through, whatever happened, she was glad to be able to help her daughter now, and grateful that Sarah had finally reached out to her.
Five minutes later, Gwen was slowly driving down Ash Grove in the neighboring village of Llanfarth, peering through the darkness that was relieved only by the occasional twinkle of Christmas lights from various houses. After a few minutes of crawling along the street, she saw Sarah huddled under a lamppost, looking miserable.Oh, Sarah…
Gwen pulled carefully over to the curb and Sarah opened the door on the passenger side and climbed in.
