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“No, I don’t think so,” she replied slowly. “I don’t have the money for that, and in truth, I’m thinking of something slightly different.” It was an idea that had been sliding in and out of her mind like an elusive shadow for a while now, and this was the first time she’d put it into words, given it credence. It felt both thrilling and a bit terrifying. “I was thinking about here, actually,” she told Mairi. “If Uncle Matthew and Aunt Ellie move to New York, and the inn has to close… I could possibly take it over, but not as an inn. I’d run it as a sort of equine center. Granny has space in the barn—not as much, it’s true, and we’d probably have to build more out back, in one of the paddocks, to give any horses more stabling. And I was thinking I could use the house as a guesthouse for disabled riders… they could come and stay here, have an intensive week of therapeutic riding. I was reading up on it and it really helps, apparently, especially after an injury. I could run it as a charity, even.”
Mairi didn’t reply and Sarah let out an embarrassed little laugh. Now that she’d said it all aloud, it sounded rather daft.
“Sorry,” she told Mairi with a laugh. “It’s just some jumbled thoughts I have. I don’t know if it will actually come to anything. It probably won’t.” It would take a lot of money to set up—more, perhaps, than she’d get from the half of the proceeds from the sale of their house, if it came to that, and she had no idea if it was something that would take off, that would work at all. But she had felt an excitement about it that she hadn’t felt about anything else, in a long while, and that was a very good feeling.
Mairi reached over to her, putting her hand on Sarah’s, her face alight. “Mum,” she exclaimed, squeezing Sarah’s hand. “I think it sounds ace!”
CHAPTER21
GWEN
It was not, Gwen reflected, the Christmas anyone had wanted, but it was, perhaps, the Christmas they’d allneeded—enjoying each other and the inn, perhaps, at least for the latter, for the last time, which gave it an added bittersweet poignancy.
The week that had been meant to be their Christmas extravaganza had been, in its own way, a celebratory affair, despite the obvious and rather crushing disappointment of having to cancel all their guests. There had been sledge rides down the hill across the lane, and a snowman-building competition that Ava had triumphantly won. There had been epic games of Monopoly by the fire, and then, later, relaxed glasses of mulled wine after the children had gone to bed. There had been cozy suppers in the kitchen, and afternoon tea and scones—someone had to eat them, after all—and full fry-ups courtesy of Sarah, while the snow had continued to drift gently down, blanketing the whole world in white and making the inn its own cozy cocoon.
All told, it really had been a rather wonderful week, and now it was Christmas morning, and Gwen had got up to put her traditional Christmas cinnamon buns in the Aga, feeling very glad and grateful for the life she led, with its many blessings. It was a poignant reminder, she thought as she pottered around the kitchen in her dressing gown, to enjoy life while it lasted, in whatever season you found yourself in. There were ups and downs, beginnings and endings… you couldn’t have one without the other, and sometimes you found yourself having both at the same time.
As for the future… well, that would never be a certainty, by its very nature. And like Sarah and Ellie had both had to do, Gwen was trying to live in the peace of the moment, and not worry about what came next. Easy enough to do when life was going well, a little harder when the going got bumpy. And yet here they were, bumping along as best as they could, and managing—mostly—to enjoy the ride.
“I thought I smelled cinnamon buns!” Ellie exclaimed as she came into the kitchen, tying the sash of her own dressing gown. Her blond hair was pulled back into a messy bun, and her blue eyes were alight with enthusiasm, despite the recent disappointments. “I couldn’t sleep, but not in a bad way. I was feeling excited about the children opening their presents. Matthew always said I’m more like a child at Christmas than they are… I’m just glad I finished all the shopping before the snowstorm. Ava’s getting the dollhouse she’s been wanting for ages, and I’ve managed to keep it hidden, which is a feat in itself.”
“Yes, indeed.” Gwen smiled at her daughter-in-law, both proud and grateful for how she’d rallied despite the setback of the snowstorm, as well as the potential move to New York. Ellie had had a lot to deal with all at once, and she’d handled it with both grace and aplomb. “How are you feeling about everything?” Gwen asked as she made them both cups of tea.
She was suddenly reminded, rather poignantly, of how she and Ellie had both risen early one morning, soon after Ellie had moved here, and how they’d had cups of coffee right in this kitchen, the atmosphere between them so stiff and awkward as they’d fumbled to understand each other and failed. Two years had changed a lot of things, Gwen acknowledged, for the mood now was comfortable and easy, if more than a little bittersweet.
“I feel… hopeful,” Ellie replied after a moment. “Even though I didn’t expect to be. I’ve been resisting this move—again—but I’ve started to see how it could be a good thing, or at least an exciting and interesting possibility, and in any case, maybe things aren’t meant to last forever.” She let out a little self-conscious laugh. “That’s my deep thinking, anyway. We gave it a good run, though, didn’t we, with the inn?” The smile she gave Gwen was lopsided, filled with both sorrow and hope.
“We did.” Gwen sat across from her as they both sipped their tea. “And I think you’re right with your deep thinking. I was just reflecting how there are different seasons to life, and that’s all right. It’s nice, really, because you wouldn’t want everything to stay the same. Static, as it were.”
“No, I don’t suppose you would,” Ellie agreed thoughtfully. “How are you feeling about the inn possibly closing? I suppose you’re due your retirement!”
“Yes, you’d think so,” Gwen granted with a laugh, “but just the other day Sarah spoke to me about an idea she had for this place. A reinvention, as it were, although it’s just a glimmer of a possibility right now.”
Ellie looked both surprised and intrigued. “Oh? What’s that?”
Briefly, Gwen explained Sarah’s hesitant thoughts about running the inn as a charity for disabled riders. “I don’t think I’d get nearly as involved this time round,” she finished, “but I’d like to be here, to be supportive and help out where I can, especially with things with Nathan as they are.”
“That sounds brilliant,” Ellie replied after a moment, clearly needing a few seconds to absorb this turn in events. “And just the kind of thing Sarah might need.”
“Yes, my thoughts exactly,” Gwen agreed, and they shared a small, conspiratorial smile before she rose to take the buns, glistening and golden, out of the Aga.
It wasn’t long before the children were trooping down, eager for their cinnamon buns and exclaiming over their Christmas stockings, which they opened in a flurry of yet more exclamations and white tissue paper. Then they were heading outside to play in the snow, while Matthew built up the fires and Sarah, Ellie, and Gwen all worked in companionable harmony in the kitchen, making preparations for the Christmas dinner.
The turkey was massive, and had thankfully been delivered the day before the snow began in earnest, taking up a whole shelf of the fridge. Sarah took charge of the Yorkshire pudding batter, while Ellie peeled potatoes and Gwen stuffed the turkey. The mood was relaxed but also jolly, and despite all the recent sorrows and disappointments, Gwen felt as if her heart were overflowing with thankfulness and joy that they’d arrived at this place.
“This is reallyfun,” Ellie announced, almost in surprise, when they were having a small glass of sherry to fortify themselves before it was time to open presents and finish the dinner preparations. “I didn’t expect it to be, because I was only thinking about the disappointment of not having the guests coming. But now that it’s Christmas, I’m not sure I would have wanted it any other way.”
“Nor me,” Sarah admitted. “It feels a bit of a guilty pleasure, enjoying all the things meant for guests when it’s just us—I particularly enjoyed that Baileys you bought, Ellie!—but I think it’s just what I needed. I’m only glad I managed to make it over here before the snow got too deep.”
“Another day or two and it will probably be cleared completely,” Gwen remarked. “It usually melts quite quickly, but it’s lovely while it lasts.”
Which was really a sentiment for all of life, she thought with a smile as she finished her sherry. They were all facing new things—Ellie, with her potential move to New York, Sarah with the possibility of starting this horseback riding venture. As for Gwen herself? Well, she didn’t know what the future held, only that she was ready for it.
The rest of the day passed in a blur of activity and enjoyment—opening presents by the tree, a massive roast dinner that they brought to the heaving table, and dessert after—a traditional Christmas pudding, raisins and all, flaming with brandy, and an enormous meringue overflowing with whipped cream and fresh fruit.
Afterward, Matthew insisted that the women of the house sit by the fire and enjoy themselves while he did the washing up. Gwen was grateful to get off her feet, and she had the requisite tin of Cadbury Roses to dip into while they listened to a replay of the King’s speech and the children lounged around, playing with their presents or content simply to sit in a post-meal stupor.
Gwen was just unwrapping a hazelnut whirl when the lights flickered and then went back on.
