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Reaching for a chip, I dunked it in salsa. "Okay, but what do you want?" I threw the chip in my mouth and almost choked from the burn.
Kennedy sighed. "I want to make all the little rock star babies with him, but I'm also terrified. You know how I am." She waved her hand around before twisting a strand of her golden hair around her finger.
"First, your kids would be so fucking cute. Like disgustingly good looking." Montana held up one blue-manicured finger. "Second, you have the best healthcare available to mankind and a guy who worships the ground you walk on." A second finger popped up to help make her point. "And third, you already said you want to. If you want to, you should go for it." She waved her hand with all three fingers sticking up in Kennedy's face, who swatted it away. "You have literally no reason not to."
"All good points. My brain always just goes to the worst-case scenarios. Always has, probably always will. I'm trying to go with the flow and not overthink it, but if you're going to overthink something, shouldn't it be having kids?"
I scoffed. "Yeah, like that worked out so well for me. I didn't give having kids one damn thought and look at me." I gestured to my stomach. "Preggers with no clue what the fuck I'm doing."
Kennedy's eyes softened, and Montana sipped her drink. "I'm sorry, I'm being a garbage person right now."
I laughed. "No, you're not. You're perfect. My point is just that life doesn't care if we feel ready or not. You may never feel ready to have kids because, honestly, I don't think it's something you actually can be ready for. It's such a huge change that you have to ride it like a wave and see where you end up."
"You've been spending too much time with True this week," Montana noted, reaching for a chip.
Oh, shit. Now tears stung my eyes again. Kennedy sat up straighter with concern in her eyes. "Is everything okay, Amara?"
I sniffed and pulled the napkin off the table, dabbing at my eyes. "Yes. No. I don't know. My hormones are crazy and going home is making me sad. I never really gave True a fair chance before, and this week he's been amazing. He held my hair every morning when I threw up and took me for the perfect dates, and he's just been everything. Now I have to go home, and I don't want to, but I don't know how staying here would work with my job. I've worked so hard to get to where I am, I can't just toss it aside."
Montana reached across the table and covered my hand with hers. "Sweetie, no one's more of a workaholic than I am, but even I know work isn't everything. If having your family together is more important to you, maybe that's something you should consider. No one is making you go home."
"She's right. You know you can stay with me and Z as long as you need to."
"I know, and I appreciate it, but I have to figure out what I want to do. I haven't even told my parents yet, not to mention the app I've been working on in my free time. I don't know where I'll find the time for it now."
Kennedy perked up. "Is this the GRLFRND idea you told me about?"
Montana popped a chip in her mouth. "What is GRLFRND?"
My eyes turned misty again at the prospect of never finding the time to chase my dream now that I had a baby on the way. "In college, I had the idea to create a dating app, except it's for women to find friends. Being a grown-ass woman, it feels impossible to make new friends, so I wanted to do something to make it easier."
Montana looked thoughtful. "I think that's a great idea. Before you two came along, I'd never had many friends, and none of them were girls. If that app existed, I'd be all over that shit."
I sat up a little straighter. "Right? I thought it could help so many people. With managing my team at work and now the baby, I think I'm going to have to put it on the back burner."
I tried to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal, but the disappointment was crushing.
The waiter dropped off our food, and we dug in. "If you decide to do it, let me know. I've got some contacts and can help when it comes time to market it." Montana mumbled around a mouthful of burrito.
"You'll be the first to know." I winked at her and she grinned. "Speaking of being the first to know what's new with you? We've all overshared. You're up." I pointed my fork at her, and she grimaced.
Abandoning her food in favor of nibbling on her blue fingernails, she looked everywhere but at me. "Montana? What happened with the guy you went out with last week? What was his name again? Jack?"
She sighed. "Jake. And nothing happened. He stood me up. I swear, I'm beyond done with dating apps and setups. I'm going celibate. Vibrators and porn only from here on out. I'm going to become one of those militant women who swear they don't need a man."
My thoughts drifted to this morning and True's hands and mouth all over my body, how he felt moving inside me. "Earth to Amara, where'd you go, sweets?" Kennedy's shoulders shook with her laughter, and Montana's eyes were narrowed.
I lifted my glass with a shaky hand and gulped my drink. "Sorry, what?"
"Between what I heard this morning and that look, I'm guessing you and True had a good morning?" Kennedy looked smug.
I shifted my eyes down. "You could say that." I wasn't used to talking about sex stuff with my friends. In the past, I'd avoided it because I didn't have any experience, and I didn't want people to judge me. Now I didn't know how much was appropriate to share.
"Oh, damn. I've heard some other rumors about True. Guess this means they're not all fake." Montana lifted her glass. "To besties and big dicks!" We all giggled as we clinked our glasses together and sipped our drinks.
My eyes watered for the millionth time today as I realized I was going to miss my girls just as much as I'd miss True.
* * *
