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I make a very skeptical sound.
“It does not seem so now, but I am speaking from experience. My… your father and I, our marriage was not always so… harmonious, you know?”
I give her a dirty look. Since when has their marriage been anywhere near the realm of harmonious? My mother was so delusional sometimes.
I pick up my handbag and put it in my lap. “Mom,ziaLudovica is coming to pick me up soon. We’re going to church.”
Suddenly she looks unbearably sad. “You always were closer to her.” She says wistfully.
I give her a disbelieving stare. She’s the one who pushed me off to Aunt Ludovica all the time as I was growing up. Now she’s sad that we’re close?
“It was the post-partum depression you know,” she says as if reading my mind, “I was just so tired all the time and you were such a handful. I don’t want you to think I didn’t love you.”
I blink a few times, blindsided by this confession. “Thank you for saying that, but if you want to prove your love for me, you should believe me.”
“Oh honey…” She gives me a sad look, “no one will believe you. Don’t you know that by now? Sometimes I wonder at your naivete.”
I stare at her, in shock. Was she saying what I thought she was saying? “So you know that what I said is true but you’re still dismissing it?”
“Your father spoke to Patrizio. They’ve come up with the best solution. What more do you want?” She just sounds so defeated that I absolutely cannot bear to listen to her anymore.
I get to my feet. “Well,mamma, I’ll see you later. I have to go.”
“Of course, darling. Have fun at your prayers.”
I give her a nod and leave, pausing at the door to look over at her before leaving. That was by far the weirdest yet most honest conversation my mother and I have ever had. It’s really made me curious about her inner life, her thoughts. That’s the first time she’s shared them with me.
As I step into the courtyard, Aunt Ludovica’s black SUV draws up and comes to a stop. My guards are watching me, but I ignore them. It’s not as if they can insist on coming with us. Again, I thank the heavens for how feared my aunt is.
I settle into the soft leather seats with a sigh, turning to kiss my aunt on the cheek in greeting before sitting back as we drive off.
“So, tell me, what is going on?” she asks.
“Nothing. Father just decided I cannot go anywhere without an armed guard.”
“Hmm. My brother is getting paranoid in his old age.” She grins at me, “Or else he knows you’re up to no good.”
I grin back. “Iamup to no good, but that doesn’t mean he’s not paranoid.”
We look at each other and laugh before I stop, turning to her pensively. “Zia? How well do you know my mother?”
Her eyebrow quirked, “What do you mean by that?”
“Well, just now, she told me I was being naïve by expecting anyone to take my sexual assault accusation seriously. Why would she say that?”
“Hmm,” Aunt Ludovica purses her lips thoughtfully, “I expect she may have experienced or witnessed it before. I do not know her much. I had already left home by the time your father met and married her.”
“Already a widow or still married?”
She smiles enigmatically, “Oh, I was only a bride for one night but after my husband’s death, I had to go away for a while. Much like your husband has been forced to.”
I nod. None of this is a surprise to me. Not with the rumors of how my aunt’s husband died going around. Some say he was garroted as he slept, others say it was poison. All anyone knows is that there were no witnesses and my aunt had been very vocal in not wanting to marry him.
I look out of the window, just watching New York pass by. I expect that Aunt Ludovica will want to know why I’m visiting the priest so often, but she doesn’t ask. I take the time to appreciate that about her. She will help me if asked without demanding details or trying to interfere with my life.
It’s a trait my parents could stand to develop.
We arrive at the church and both step in, my aunt taking a booth at the back. Opening a racy novel featuring two half naked men on the cover, she begins to read. With a huff of amusement, I step further into the church, seeing Father Lorenzo at the altar, saying mass.
