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21
EMILE
It’s a strange thing to wake up smiling. I’ve been grinning ear to ear for a few days now, with thoughts of Clarissa filling my head. Every time I think about our kiss, replaying it in my head, I find myself rubbing my sore cheeks. I can’t remember the last time I felt that way about anything.
I find myself getting ready for today’s excursion with a giddy, buzzing excitement thrumming through my veins. Clarissa is a little bit reserved, but she’s got a smile and a sense of humor that makes me want to go on all kinds of adventures.
This time we’re sailing up the northern coast for a few hours and taking advantage of the westerly winds that make the summer so breezy in this part of the world. I hope to show Clarissa a few of the harbors around here that also serve as fish markets, as well as a few local spots for crabbing.
“She’s going to enjoy that since she loves cooking so much. It’s a good idea,” I reassure myself. Secretly, though, I love the way her face lights up when she sees something cool or interesting. I’m really hoping I can bring that look to her face again.
I’ve already scrubbed the boat clean, and now I’m loading up a personal basket filled with a variety of fruits, cheeses, breads, and even a bottle of wine. Looking down at what appear to be the very obvious makings of a date, I give a small chuckle.
It’s true that we don’t know that much about each other. Yet when I think about how sweet and easy our kiss was the other day, I can’t deny the attraction on both of our parts. There is still that old instinct niggling in the back of my mind, wondering if it’s a mistake, but whenever I look at her, all I want to do is remain close.
As Marcel was quick to point out, it has all the makings of a crush. I groan aloud at the childish term, although in this case, it appears to be apt. For all my devil-may-care attitude, I’m getting tied up in anticipatory knots while getting ready for my outing with Clarissa, who appears to have literally dropped into my life from nowhere.
Finishing my preparations by grabbing a few towels, I head out, ready to get underway. As I’m loading up the rest of the boat, the crunch of crabgrass alerts me to company. Turning around, I find Clarissa walking across the edge of the property line.
Already the smile is back on my face, and I find Clarissa smiling, too. The slight sunburn on her cheeks gives her a healthy glow and highlights that thousand-watt smile she has. It makes her eyes twinkle, and it makes my stomach clench. I have to give myself a small shake in order to return to reality.
Looking back up at her again, I see her smile falter a little. A sinking feeling starts to settle in my stomach, and it feels like an anchor. I try not to think the worst even as my senses start firing warning signals.
“Hey there, landlubber,” I greet lightly, hoping to get that smile back. “Ready for another adventure in the Carolina blue?”
“Yeah, sure. Have we officially committed to a pirate’s life then?” She playfully raises an eyebrow as she asks and couples it by mimicking a drunken swagger.
It’s a terrible impression, naturally. A fierce pirate she is not, and I laugh openly as she stumbles forward. Hating to see her face plant in the dirt, however, I reach out to catch her.
There we are, suddenly clutching onto each others’ arms. It’s not quite an embrace in any romantic sense, but it still sends a shock of sparks up my arms and spine. Similar to feeling static electricity, only it’s more gentle and sensational, simultaneously.Chemistry, my mind supplies.Clarissa and I share chemistry.
It’s a powerful, heady feeling, one I've never felt quite so potently despite my long list of girlfriends. This is a strong attraction we share, and despite the warnings my brain wants to supply, I find myself giving into the temptation.
This woman is funny and bright, all sunshine and secrets rolled into one. A package I am finding difficult to resist, and even less reason to say no to.
“Um, listen, Emile, can we talk? I want to clear the air about the other day,” she starts, nervousness slipping into her tone.
The words are like a dash of cold water to my head and my heart, like being startled out of a pleasant dream. For how heavy my stomach drops suddenly, my smile doesn’t falter despite the creeping dread.
“The air is pretty clear from where I’m standing,” I offer quietly, still holding her elbow.
“It’s just that you’re about to sail out on some great adventure, but I just got here, you know? Our lives don’t exactly line up right now, you know what I mean?”
I almost feel like laughing again, but I know if I did that it would sound bitter. I do know that what she’s saying is completely practical and reasonable. Heck, it’s exactly why I wondered if I should pursue her at all. Yet knowing that still fails to take the sting out of the rejection.
“So… what you’re saying is that we should treat that kiss like a heat-of-the-moment kind of thing. Am I understanding that right?”
“Yeah,” she replies, visibly relaxing. I try not to wince. “Don’t get me wrong, the kiss was great, it’s just –”
“Bad timing,” I finish dully, expectantly. She nods in response, still a little bashful but now with a tinge of remorse.
Taking a deep breath I manage another smile, even as my arms release their grip and snap back to my sides. We seem to return to ourselves, separate and apart.
The disappointment hurts, more than I thought it would, but I want to respect Clarissa’s space more than anything. After all of our interactions over the past weeks, I wouldn’t want to make her uncomfortable with me. We were friends up until the other day, and while the possibility of something more was nice, we might be better off as friends and good neighbors.
Clarissa seems apologetic as well, nervously tugging on a strand of hair and twirling it around her finger. It’s more adorable than I care to admit, so I shut that train of thought down immediately.
“Look, it’s a fantastic day out, and once I’m gone, you won’t have a reliable guide.” It might sound like a cheap offer or more like a consolation prize for me, but Clarissa visibly brightens at my attempt at levity. “We’re friends after all, and I’ve got a whole bottle of wine up there, along with one of those fancy snack trays people seem to love.”
