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My eyes go wide at the sudden switch in tone. I shake my head. I’m not giving him anything right now, much less my grandma’s recipe.
Todd shrugs his shoulders and leaves. And I’m left standing there, feeling exhausted and ridiculous. And very, very alone.
23
EMILE
Imust really be a fool to do this to myself. Clarissa has made her boundaries quite clear, and I respect them. I see no harm in continuing our friendship. Well, save for the emotional harm that hits me like a stake to the heart every time Clarissa smiles.
But it’s okay. That’s my problem to worry about. And maybe one day I’ll see that smile and not feel a ravenous need to lay my lips upon it. Even now, doing my best to be a platonic neighbor, I’m finding myself waxing romantically melancholic.
Guess I have a hard time turning it off.
“That’s starboard, right?” Clarissa asks. She’s pointing to the right side of the boat when facing the front of the ship.
I nod. “That’s right.”
“And that’s port. And that’s the aft.” She points to the left, then the rear of the ship.
“Wow, look at you. Lady Nautical. You’ll be the captain of a ship in no time. Oh, what about that part?” I ask, pointing to the front.
Clarissa stares at the bow, thinking really hard. “I know this. Why can’t I remember now? I knew i– the bow!” she yells when the word comes to mind. She doesn’t even wait for me to confirm before doing a happy little dance.
“Good job,” I tell her. “Now, if you’ll sit your aft down, it’s ready to set sail.”
Clarissa takes a seat and smiles wide. She’s so beautiful that it just might kill me. It’s our last time sailing together before I start my big trip. It’s bittersweet.
In another life, maybe she and I could have taken that trip together. Ah, well. One day, my heart will move on and I’ll know it was for the best. But at least we have this one last friendly ride together. And in a weird way, I’m glad I wished she was going with me. It’s a relief to know I’m not a complete monster who is incapable of feeling so strongly for a woman – not if it’s the right woman.
“You’re certainly dressed for the occasion,” I say. I look Clarissa over from the corner of my eye as I back us out of the dock. She’s wearing a pale blue button-down, short-sleeve shirt with a seahorse pattern across it. Between that and the cargo shorts, flip flops, and bucket hat, she looks like the cutest retiree in Florida with a clock set to ‘island time.’
Clarissa laughs anxiously. “Oh, well, this is just the best they had at the shop in town. I thought it would be fun to dress up.”
She makes me feel wildly underdressed in my long sleeve button up left decidedly unbuttoned, jeans, and sneakers. At least I have a wide brimmed hat and big sunglasses. Standard vampire attire down here.
I steer us into the open ocean and head very specifically to one spot in particular. I recently spied some Loggerhead sea turtles around the bend up ahead and some dolphin pods further in. If this is going to be our last time together for a while, I want to make it special.
Luckily, I don’t even have to point out the dolphins when we get nearby. They happily make themselves known. I hear Clarissa’s gasp, even above the sound of the engine. I turn it off and let the boat idle quietly. Clarissa stands and walks to the bow, completely taken in as the little sea mammals swim by. Their dorsal fins cut through the water, leaving tiny wakes behind them.
“Cute, aren’t they?” I ask. I join Clarissa at the bow. I admit I’m just as much of a sucker for the creatures as anyone. But Clarissa is completely enthralled with them. Sometimes, living so close to the coast like this, I can forget there’s so many people who don’t have the ocean as a normal part of their everyday lives.
“I went to an amusement park that had dolphins once. Seeing them behind a tank is nothing compared to thi – Look!” Clarissa shouts in glee as one of the dolphins graces us with a full breach.
I smile, feeling a cold rush of adoration over Clarissa’s genuine childlike wonder over watching the dolphins. Still, something about what she just said is bugging me.
“You didn’t get to see the ocean much with your family moving all over the place?” I ask.
Clarissa looks back at me. Her eyes are wide and her smile seems a little less genuine and slightly more plastic for some reason.
“Huh? O-oh, yeah. No, anytime we were near it, I wasn’t really allowed to wander around, you know? My, uh… My mom was terrified of tsunamis. So we stayed indoors. Being able to just hang out on the water like this is just incredible. Thank you, Emile.” That relaxed sweetness is back, and the glow Clarissa is giving off sets me at ease again.
We watch together as the dolphin pod swims off further north, probably in search of good food. Speaking of which…
“Would you like to find a nice place to stop and eat lunch?” I ask.
Clarissa nods excitedly as I get back behind the wheel. I slowly pull us away from this location and try to find some more nautical magic going on. I don’t have to search far, because over on some nearby rocks, I can see some sea turtles drifting in the current. They’ll be coming on to shore soon to lay their eggs. Watching the babies crawl into the ocean and float away is always a magical sight.
I pull us to a safe distance away and point out our entertainment for lunch. Clarissa is so hyper-focused on the green lumps in the water that she’s completely oblivious to the spread I’m retrieving from the cooler. I tap her on the shoulder.
