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“Good enough to get my ass to my woman. We’ll see after that.” I grunt.
“Right.” He nods. The two of us had already hashed everything out between us when he punched me in the face after I went to him. He knows I’ve finally quit fucking around and made up my mind. Gunner also knows when I make up my mind, I don’t change it. It takes a lot for me even to consider it.“I’ll be two minutes, five tops.”
Once again, I nod. “Make sure Zinnia and Delilah are gonna be okay.” I get Gunner needed to make sure his woman and kid are going to be okay. Zinnia’s pregnant and with Delilah, he’s become a bit overprotective, and I can’t blame him. His sister was taken, beaten, and raped. I can see why my brother keeps a finger on his woman’s and little girls’ pulse. He doesn’t want to lose either of them.
I don’t wait around for him to say anything else. Straightening my head, I head for the doors, my mind on getting to Honor as soon as possible. I know I’ve got work ahead of me where she’s concerned, but she’s worth it.
All the shit in the past doesn’t compare to what she makes me feel. Fuck, I already know that if she’d been with me, none of this shit would be happening in the first place. I’d have been the one to take her to work. I’d have known about her having diabetes. I’d have her in my arms now and not going out of my mind every day wanting to see her for myself.
No, I’ll go to her, bring her home, and after that, I’ll work to show her she’s mine. That she’s not broken or damaged, as I’m sure she feels. I also get that three months isn’t a lot of time to overcome what she endured, but at the same time, you can’t do it unless you have people at your back ready and able to help you overcome the trauma.
I intend to be that man. I gave her her time. Now, I’m going to bring her back where she belongs and then see where things go from there.
CHAPTER11
HONOR
“Hey, Honor,” Patsy greets me with a warm smile. She’s Glacier’s club brother’s ol’ lady and a new friend to me. Just as the other ol’ ladies have become. They’ve taken me under their wings and have been there for me, but I’m still not in a good place.
I don’t think I ever will be.
“Morning,” I mumble, giving her a small smile in return as I make my way to the coffee pot, needing the caffeine just as I need it every morning.
In the months since coming here, I’ve rarely slept, but it’s not because I couldn’t, instead, it’s the nightmares that haunt me.
“Are you going to see Dr. Williams today?” Roane asks, handing me a clean mug.
“Yes, it’s this afternoon,” I answer, filling the mug with the dark brew.
“That’s good.” This comes from Patsy. “Is Delaney taking you?”
Nodding, I take a sip of my coffee. Of course, she is. She and Glacier both. I love them but they won’t leave me alone. I’m never alone unless it’s time to go to bed. Even then, I know they come into my room to check on me. They want to make sure I’m not going to do anything else like I already tried to do.
A month ago, I tried to take my life . . . to end the pain constantly consuming me. Before that, I’d attempted to drown out everything with alcohol. It wasn’t easy with so many eyes on me, so I took a bunch of pain pills, overdosing. If not for Patsy and Roane seeing the signs like they did, I wouldn’t be here anymore. After the pills, I started going to counseling, or that’s what I told them. Instead, I’d go out, find a place secluded, and sit there reliving what happened to me. When I couldn’t take it anymore . . . that’s when I slit my wrists.
If not for Delaney’s room being connected to mine and her coming to talk to me only to find me in the bathroom tub, I’d be gone, but she did find me. I hazily remember Glacier scooping me up and the two of them rushing me to the hospital. Other members of the club joined them.
That day, Glacier was going to tell Gunner, and I freaked the hell out. I didn’t want him or anyone else to know. It was my shame to carry, and I wasn’t going to let anyone else know how far I’d sunk. Delaney thankfully talked Glacier around with the promise I would get help from Dr. Williams and that they would take me. I agreed because, at the time, I didn’t trust myself. I still don’t trust myself. Though I’m going to the doctor. I’m talking to her, and she’s been helping.
I’ve talked to her about my brother, about Savage, about growing up in foster care. How all of this made me feel. I’ve talked a bit about that day. It’s hard to talk about what I went through, what those men did to me. How because of my brother and his club, they did what they did. I want to blame them, but realistically I know they aren’t at fault. They didn’t do this to me. I saw the way both Gunner and Savage looked in the hospital. I get my brother’s reaction, but not Savage’s. I still don’t, though I’ve thought a lot about him.
“They’re both taking me and then I think we’re going out for food.” I believe that’s what Delaney said.
“Good, maybe you and Delaney can do a little shopping, spend some time outside the clubhouse,” Patsy suggests.
“Maybe.”
It’s a good idea, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
“Honor, we’re not trying to push, but to get through it, you have to start somewhere, and I’m not just talking about going to see Dr. Williams. You have to start living again too,” Roane explains, eyes filled with concern.
I get what she’s saying, and I want to do that, but I don’t know how. Not without looking over my shoulder or feeling like someone is going to get me. So, I’m not sure if going out is something I can do. But we’ll see.
I give them both another small smile and nod before leaving them to it and head back to the room they all set me up in. I barely step into the room when Delaney comes in right behind me.
“Hey,” I murmur.
“Hey,” she says in return and bites her lip. “So, your appointment was switched to tomorrow.”
