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“I’m nervous when it comes to Savage,” I whisper. “He baffles me. He makes me feel safe. I want to be with him, I always have, but I feel damaged. That I’m not good enough. I mean how can he want to be with someone who’s been violated. I still feel the hands of the men who hurt me . . . who raped me. I feel unclean all the time.”
Zinnia nods and squeezes my hand. “You’re not unclean, sweetheart. I get you thinking that though, I still have moments where I feel the same, but I have Gunner and he’s there for me. He listens and takes the pain away by listening, by showing me that I’m not back there. That I’m clean. If you give Savage the chance, I’m willing to bet he’ll do the same.” Releasing my hand, she straightens and gives me a smile. “Don’t let those bastards continue to hold that power over you. Trust Savage, let him show you. You’re not what they made you. You’re Honor, the girl who he’s been hot for since I’ve been around. Let him show you that pleasure can be what it should be and not what those bastards made it be when they hurt you. Savage and you were together before, it might have been once, still he gave you something. Given the chance, he could give it again.”
I nod, letting her words sink in. Zinnia went through years of pain, and she was able to find her way with my brother’s help. I’ve seen the way she is, and I admire her strength. If I listen to her . . . if I give my trust to Savage, trust that he will help me through and not leave me in the dark, I could regain my strength.
I could do it. I want to do it. Maybe one small step at a time. But I can make that with baby steps. I’m sure of it.
* * *
“You ready to go?” Savage asks, his arms going around my waist as he steps up behind me.
After mine and Zinnia’s talk, I relaxed even more and really started to have a good time. I didn’t drink or anything, but I actually ate food instead of nibbling on it.
Savage had come and joined me several times before drifting back to his brothers. Each time, he had his arm around me and asked if I was good. He told me if at any time I was ready to go, he’d take me. Now, it was getting late and time for us to go, but I almost want to stay here, in his room.
“Can we stay here tonight?” I find myself asking. I didn’t mean to, but the question slips out.
Savage turns me in his arms and takes one from around me to grip my chin between his fingers, holding me in place as he looks directly into my eyes. “You want to stay here?”
“Um . . .” I draw my bottom lip between my teeth and nod.
“You know that means you’re in my room, we’re in the same bed, and I’m not going to sleep over the covers,” he states, watching me closely. Those assessing eyes of his looking deep in mine.
“I know,” I murmur and lick my lips. “I trust you.”
The arm he has holding me to him, tenses briefly, and his eyes flash with what I can only assume is desire. It’s the same look he had that first night. But he quickly locks it down.
“Then let’s go get ready for bed, baby,” he says, releasing my jaw. “I’ll give you one of my shirts to sleep in.”
“Thank you.”
Dropping his arm, Savage takes my hand and leads me out of the main room of the clubhouse, down a hall and to his room. Inside, he locks us in and releases my hand in order to move across the room to his dresser. Opening the top drawer, he grabs a shirt and closes it back up. Turning to me, he holds it out.
“Go ahead and use the bathroom.” Motioning in the direction of his en suite. “You get ready first.”
“Okay.” I take the shirt, inhale a deep breath, and walk the short distance into the bathroom. I meet his gaze as I shut the door closing me away from him.
I know what’s about to happen is a big step. One I’m ready to make. It’s me putting my trust in Savage and letting him know he has it. Fully and completely.
* * *
Opening the bathroom door, I step out freshly clean having used his soap. I decided to take my time and use his shower. I didn’t wash my hair, but I’d cleaned my body with his stuff. It helped in easing the tension that was starting to bubble up inside me. Sure, I made the decision, but following through with it is just as stressful as making it.
My eyes immediately find his, and my steps falter at the sight of him sitting in his bed, back to the headboard, his phone in his hand. I take in his bare chest and the fact he’s under the covers. I hadn’t seen him like this since the one time we were together in this very room.
“Hey,” I whisper, fidgeting with my hands behind my back.
“Come here, baby,” he commands with that sexy gruff tone he gets when talking to me.
I cross the room, and when I’m in reaching distance, Savage leans forward, hands going to my waist and he lifts me up on the bed and over his lap, straddling him.
“Savage.” I gasp, hands pressing against his chest.
“Seeing you in my shirt is something I’ve been wanting to see for a long damn time,” he murmurs quietly. He rolls until I’m no longer straddling him but lying with him. Somehow, in the maneuver, he adjusts the covers so I’m under them. He repositions us until I have my leg cocked over his waist and an arm around him. It’s the same way I’ve slept with him before, but this time more intimate.
“Night, baby.” Those two words surprise me.
I didn’t think we’d go right to sleep.
