AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You are, baby girl. You’re that person and so much more.” He brings my knuckles to his mouth and kisses each one slowly. “You’re the woman I never knew I was waiting for. The one I never knew I wanted or needed.”
I take those words. I take them and I curl my fingers around them and I pull them to my chest. I lock them away in my heart, inadvertently giving it a reason to beat. A reason to keep going through the doubts and the worries and the insecurities.
I give it the reason to stay.
No, I don’t. He does.
With a handful of words, he’s changed everything. With something so simple, a phrase so small, I know nothing will be the same. I know my decision is harder.
Because he’s everything I never knew I wanted. He’s the thing that makes me tick. He makes my skin hum with life and my stomach tighten with anticipation. He makes my eyes burn with tears of pleasure and my lungs tighten with emotion.
Tyler Stone is everything. Everything I shouldn’t want. Everything I should stay away from. Everything dangerous, everything risky, everything that toes the line between good and bad.
Everything addictive. Everything obsessive. Everything tempting.
I squeeze his hand. In this moment, I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to feel the chill of the air against my palm when his hand leaves mine. I don’t want to feel the emptiness.
So I pull our hands toward my face and rest my cheek against the back of his. “I’m scared,” I whisper. “I’m scared that, one day, I’ll be so obsessed with you, so in love with you, that I won’t be able to survive if you leave me.”
I close my eyes as I feel the truth in my words. I don’t know why I said them. I never meant to say them. They were supposed to be inside my mind, silent to everyone except me.
“I promise I won’t leave,” he whispers back, uncurling his fingers from mine and settling them against my cheek. “I promise I’ll always be there.”
“You’re not the only person to say that, you know? You’re not the only person to promise something you couldn’t keep. Why do you think I won’t answer you? Why do you think I can’t commit to you?”
“Liv,” he breathes, holding my cheek tighter.
“It’s not because I’m flighty or indecisive. It’s not because I’m a slut or a bitch. It’s not because I don’t care or that I don’t want to. It’s because I’m so fucking afraid that, one day, I’ll destroy you. One day, I’ll hurt you, Ty. One day, my addiction could become so relentless that I could take everything you’ve ever known and twist into something you don’t know. I could take your whole goddamn world and make every spin about me. If you knew, if you truly, truly knew how bad it is already, what I fight against every single second, you wouldn’t be so flippant about it.”
“I’m not scared, baby girl. I’m not scared of what you think you could do to me.” He turns my face so I’m looking at him. “I’m scared of everything you can’t do to me. Get addicted to me. Get obsessed with me. I can tell you right the fuck now it’s nothing that won’t be returned.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. His hand leaves me briefly, only to return seconds later, this time on my back and pulling me into him. I fist his shirt with one hand and cover my face with the other.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. You’re stronger than that shit. You’re stronger than to let your emotions get the best of you, Liv.
“The thing I fear most is having a day where I don’t wake up and think about you,” he murmurs into my hair. “The day I don’t need you is the day I’m most afraid of. Nothing you think you could do to me could possibly be worse than that.”
“You don’t understand. I could kill us. Why don’t you get that? You don’t know my addiction. You don’t know me. You don’t know my desire to know every single little bit of information about you. Where did you go to school? Why did you stop teaching? Why did you sell your share of the company? Why did you move to Seattle? Why did you work for your cousin? Where was your first job? What made you decide to do photography? What makes you hate the business world so much?
“What’s your favorite food? Color? Shoe? Car? Sport? Drink? TV show? Do you prefer documentaries or sitcoms? Do you like comedy? Do you like movies? Who’s your favorite actor? Singer? Comedian? Football player? Soccer player? Basketball player?” I take a deep breath. “Every little thing, Ty. I need to know every single thing about you because I can’t imagine a world where I don’t. It’s a burning need. Insatiable. Unrelenting. If I don’t find out, it might kill me. Fuck, it is killing me! It’s driving me fucking crazy!”
I pull back from him, but he pulls me straight back.
“You wanna know? You ask me. But for the record, my favorite color is orange, my favorite sport is American football, believe or not, and my favorite TV show is the same as yours. The Big Bang Theory. And I already forgot the rest.” A hint of amusement filters through his words.
I laugh into him. “Me, too. I might have gotten a little carried away.”
“No. No, you didn’t. It was the only way you could make me understand. And I don’t. I don’t understand your need to know everything about me, Liv. Just like you don’t understand my need to be inside you every day. But that doesn’t mean we can’t make this shit work. You got it? It doesn’t mean we can’t work through all our crap and pull something real from it.” He runs his fingers through to the ends of my hair. “It doesn’t make me want all of you any less. It doesn’t make me need you any less, baby girl.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and know that there’s only one solution to this. Only one way to figure this out. And that’s to be away from the beauty and magic of another city and be in the dreary wetness of home. Only at home can I firmly put two feet on the ground and make a decision that will stick. A decision I’ll believe in.
I sigh heavily. Ignoring the warmth in my body and the fluttering in my heart, I ask, “Take me home please.”
I stifle a yawn as I follow Aaron around the new bar. They landed back in Seattle minutes after Tyler and I did, and Day took one look at me and told Aaron to bring me here.
She’s taken Tyler to get coffee, and I swear, if she’s pulling her matchmaking shit, I will kill her.
“What do you think?” Aaron asks.
