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"Not bad for an old girl." She spins around laughing, and for a second, she morphs into teenage Kerry, wild and carefree. I want to join her so badly, but I'm coiled too tightly, too used to holding myself back so that I don't embarrass anybody, most of all myself.
"Thirty is hardly old. You want me to help you into your dress?"
She shakes her head. "I'll be okay."
I nod once and walk to the wardrobe to undo the dress carrier. The zip slips down as smoothly as a knife through soft butter, and I peel back the coarse black fabric to reveal the soft tulle beneath.
"It's so beautiful," I say, slipping it from the hanger and taking it to my sister.
"It was the first one I saw. I wanted it to be completely different from the last one." For a moment, her face seems to freeze. It's natural, I suppose, that she'd think of her first wedding at this moment. Most of us hope that we won't be repeating that day in our lifetime, but when you become a widow in your twenties, it's kind of inevitable.
"It's okay to think about it," I tell her. "It's okay to feel a little wistful for that day too. Just because you've met someone new doesn't mean it has to wipe away the past."
Kerry smiles at me. "I feel as happy today as I felt the first time. That's good, isn't it?"
I squeeze her arm. "Of course it is."
She smiles quickly as though she's swallowing back the memories to focus on the present day.
I head back over to the closet and take my dress down. It's a pretty silk tea dress that we chose together on one of our many shopping trips. I slide off my robe and pull it on, enjoying the soft slip against my skin. It takes time to fasten all the little buttons, but it's worth it for effect. By the time I'm done, Kerry is ready too.
"Will you help me with my shoes?" she asks.
"Sure." I kneel at her feet and slip on her white satin shoes, fastening the buckle at each side. I smile up at her when I'm done. She looks like an angel in her ethereal dress with the Caribbean sun streaming through the window behind her.
"You'll find someone too, you know," Kerry says softly.
I shake my head because I don't want to go there. Not now when my face is made up, and I have my carefully crafted smile fixed in place.
"Brad was a douchebag. Nobody liked him, sweetie. You deserve so much more."
"I know," I say, standing quickly and fussing with my dress to cover up my discomfort. Although it's been months since I left him, it still feels raw. There's still a big hole in my heart where he carved out his space until I didn't know left from right or up from down. "Come on," I say. "Dean will be waiting."
Kerry's eyes are bright as we gather our final things together. She takes hold of my hand as we make our way from her honeymoon suite to the outdoor venue where the guests have congregated. Our father left when we were young, and although mom loves the limelight, Kerry had insisted that it should be me to give her away. That wasn't received well by mom, but Kerry has always been braver about standing up to her than I have.
"You know that the O'Connell twins arrived last night," Kerry says.
"Oh, thank goodness," I say, squeezing her hand. Dean's two best friends, Callum and Liam, who were flying in from Dubai, had their flights canceled and were looking at alternative routes to make it in time. "Dean must be so happy."
"He is. It wouldn't have been the same for him if they weren't here to stand with him."
"It's a little unorthodox having two best men," I say.
"Well, they've all been friends since college," Kerry says. "Plus, they're identical twins, so they're used to doing things together!"
As we get closer, she squeezes my hand tightly and pulls me to a stop. Her eyes are bright when she puts her hands on my cheeks. "Promise me that you'll make the most of your time here," she says. "You've been hiding away for so long. It's time to come out of your shell again, sweetie. Don't let opportunities pass you by anymore."
I blink, trying not to get emotional. Before we came here, she'd sent me a notebook with the words 'Don't ever let anyone steal your sparkle' on the cover in glittery silver cursive. I carry it everywhere with me as a reminder. Funny because I don't feel like my sparkle has returned yet, so there's going to be no giving it away in the foreseeable future. "I will," I tell her, but she shakes her head.
"I don't believe you when you say it in that reluctant way of yours. Brad is gone. The only person holding you back now is you. And ignore mom, okay? She's been like herself but on speed ever since we got here…you know she's gonna say some stuff that's gonna be insensitive because that's just what she does."
She smiles at me and kisses me on my right cheek, and I pull her into the tightest hug possible without creasing both of our dresses.
"I love you, Sis."
"I know, sweetie. I love you too."
We draw apart, and I smile with genuine feeling this time. "Come on. Let's go make an honest woman out of you."
