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I’m buried against Liam’s chest, swamped by his size, but I feelbiggerthan I have in so long. The alcohol is warm in my stomach, licking inside me to soften my hard edges. We dance for a little while before I feel another hand at my waist. With perfect synchronicity, Liam releases me into Callum’s waiting arms. Physically they are the same arms, but it feels different. Liam is light, and humorous, and Callum is something a little darker and more daring. Either way, I’m having so much fun dancing with them that I smile against Callum’s shoulder, nuzzling against his solidness. Then he grabs one of my hands and spins me like a professional. I’m a puppet in his control, twirling with my hair coming loose and the skirt of my silk tea dress flaring like a lily’s trumpet.
He doesn't have perfect rhythm, and being so big, he’s a little heavy on his feet, but he smiles like he doesn’t have a care in the world, watching me do the very thing I had imagined the day I left Brad. A cool breeze drifts across the beach, picking up loose tendrils of my hair until they whip over my face, and I love it. I love it all.
Then he lets go of my hand.
There’s a moment where I think Liam will step in. Then, when I realize he’s not going to, another second where I want to stop. I hear Brad’s voice in my head telling me I can’t do it, that I have two left feet, and I’ll embarrass myself. Then I see Callum and Liam with their heads tipped to the sky, dancing euphorically, and I want that too.
I let myself go, raising my hands up like I used to, spinning with sand between my toes, swaying my hips, and starting to sing along.
I hear their voices join mine, perfectly out of tune, and it’s amazing. When the song comes to an end, I look over at them grinning at me, and I burst out laughing.
“You’re something else, Bethany,” Liam says with pride in his voice.
“Yeah, baby,” Callum says in agreement, and I feel like I might burst with joy.
“You’re something else, too,” I say, instinctively taking their hands in mine and squeezing. There’s a flash of something in their eyes as I look at them; a dark look of longing that I feel reflected in my heart. Before I know what’s happening, Liam has tugged me into a bear hug. I can’t understand how I can feel so utterly content in the arms of a practical stranger. Then I feel Callum behind me, putting his hand on my waist and stroking my hair.
I feel the press of a kiss on the top of my head from behind, and Liam whispers into my left ear. “You remember something, Bethany. People might tell you things about yourself, butyouchoose to believe them.Youchoose to let them change how you live your life. Anyone you meet who wants to change you is not someone you should be wasting time on, okay. You’re perfect just being you. Remember that, okay.”
Tears spring to my eyes, and I squeeze him tightly with one arm and cover Callum’s hand with my other, wanting to convey how much it means to me that they’re with me at this moment because I can’t make the words come out of my mouth.
Liam tips my face to look up at his. “You decide how you want to live your life and the people you spend your time with. You choose, okay?”
“Okay.”
He lets me go, and I turn to Callum, who pulls me in for a hug too. “You know, I hate to say this, but my brother’s right.”
I hear a grumbling sound from behind me and laugh, and as I do, another little piece of me seems to fall into place. I’ve missed laughing so much. The genuine bubbling laughter that comes from a place rooted in your soul.
I sense them both turning to look back towards the hotel where two of the most important people in our lives have become a unit, and I feel as though they’re going to suggest that we go back to the reception, but I don’t want to. It’s already so late, and anyway, I’m confident Kerry won’t mind. She’s happiest when the people she loves are happy.
“I don’t want to go back yet,” I say quietly.
Callum doesn’t say anything but looks down at me with serious eyes. “What do you want to do then, Bethany?”
“Stay here, just us.”
He nods, and I go to pull back. “And do what?”
I blush, thinking about what it must sound like to them. What am I asking for? To hang out on the beach with two men I suspect aren’t strangers to sharing a girl. I feel hot between my legs thinking about what it would feel like to let them kiss me, to let them touch me in ways no one has since Brad. They’re so much bigger that I can’t help but imagine how far I would have to open my legs to wrap them around them. I think back to the picture Callum painted at the bar. One of them behind, one in front. What would that feel like to be so surrounded by big strong men? They wait for me to answer, but with all this sliding through my head like syrup, I just can’t find the words.
“You remember what I told you, Bethany, about deciding. If you want something in life, you’ve got to learn to ask for it. No more hanging back, letting other people be in control,” Liam says.
“I want to…” I trail off with so much heat in my cheeks that it’s a wonder I haven’t fainted.
“Tell us what you want,” Callum says in the lowest, sexiest voice I have ever heard. “Because I think we might just give you anything.”
I turn to face the sea and feel their eyes on me, waiting. Hoping maybe. The weight of their words presses against my heart. I wonder when my voice became so muted. When did it become okay for me to silence my thoughts and feelings; my desires? When did I become ashamed of being the person that I am, enough that I’d conform to the version of me that someone else wanted?
For the first time in a long while, I don’t feel sad about it. I feel angry. Angry that I lost myself for so long and desperate to find myself again. These two men have found a way to free just a little bit of me. The girl that once danced on a beach without a care in the world. I felt her again, thatmefrom the past, and it’s intoxicating. If I could just get back some more pieces, maybe the nagging emptiness I’ve been feeling for so long will leave me for good.
I want that so badly that my heart hurts.
I take a few steps towards the sea and let the cool water slip between my toes. The sea whispers in front of me, stretched out like a never-ending pool of obsidian ink. Behind me stand two men who feel like the key to something. But do I have the courage to ask for what I want?
In a few days, we’re all going to leave this place; me back home and the twins back to Dubai. This time is like an interlude to my real life — a flash of time that stands away from reality. I could spend the rest of my time here plodding along, feeling the same, or I could be brave, and see if I’m right. If Liam and Callum, who I’ve been told are the best friends my brother-in-law could ever wish for, could bring back some of the old me.
I turn slowly and find them standing like mirror images, hands in pockets, heads cocked to opposite sides. “I want…you to kiss me,” I say, looking down so I don’t have to see their reaction.
