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“It’s amazing,” she says. “So beautiful.” I turn the phone so I can see her face and she can see mine and we beam at each other. “So, the dick size assignment is actually happening. I thought you were joking.”
“No jokes,” I laugh. “Well, actually, there is an abundance of joking. The men they’ve recruited for this study are very funny!”
“So you’ve met them all?”
“Yep. I’ve been dragged into the pool fully clothed and now they’re cleaning up inside while I take a walk on the beach.”
“Sounds like my life.” She grins broadly, her straight white teeth a contrast to her tan skin.
“You’ll never guess what my crazy boss has tasked those poor men to do!” I laugh.
“Stand naked in front of you so you can double check the size they claim to be with a school ruler?”
“Errr…gross. But kind of.”
“Just spill it,” Dawn says. “I can’t stand the suspense.”
“They’re all in there right now, making rubber dildos using a mold kit. In about an hour, they’re going to present me with ten vibrating replicas of their cocks.”
“WHAAAAT? Have I ever told you that you have the best job on the planet?”
I roll my eyes and trail my foot in the water, shivering at the sudden coolness. “No, you haven’t and no, I don’t. It’s just frigging weird, and it gets weirder and weirder as the years go on.”
“Are you telling me you’re not intrigued?”
I shrug my shoulders, walking deeper so the cool seawater laps over my ankles. “I’m intrigued, I guess. I haven’t ever had the pleasure of seeing something like that in real life.”
“Are you serious?”
“Well, yeah. I mean, the ones I’ve gotten up close and personal with have been more average size.”
“I’m sorry, Allie, but if you call me at the end of this week and tell me you haven’t made the most of experiencing what one of those men has to offer, I’m personally flying over to intervene.”
“Have you…I mean…ten inches.”
“Errr…yeah. This might beTMIbut I’ve handled many of those at the same time.”
I screw up my nose and twist my lips, trying to push out the images that Dawn has created in my mind. “How? Actually, I don’t want to know the details of how that’s even achievable. What I should be telling you is that you're a better woman than me and that your new nickname is Queen of Dicks.”
“Queen of Cocks has a better ring to it,” she muses. “And I am unashamed by my extensive experience. We’re only young once, Allie. Don’t waste your good years imitating Mother Theresa. Have some fun before your ovaries start ticking or your beard hair outnumbers the hairs on your head.”
“Gross imagery. And my ovaries are silent,” I gasp. “Hell. I’m struggling to look after myself right now. Forget putting myself into a situation where I need to look after anyone else.”
“I know what you mean, babe,” Dawn muses and her face loses its usual brightness.
“Anyway, I have to keep things professional,” I say. “I’m a journalist on assignment, not a frat princess on spring break.”
“Oh, to go back to those good old days. All I’m saying, sweetie, is that you don’t have to let life pass you by. It’s okay to be frivolous and impetuous some of the time. Sow some wild oats.”
“I thought that’s something people say to men! I don’t have any oats.”
“Well, let someone give you a good plowing once in a while,” Dawn laughs. “At least one of those men up there has to be a potential lover, surely?”
“They’re all so gorgeous it’s hard to look at them without overheating,” I admit.
“You have to get a group shot and send it to me.” Dawn points a finger at the phone like an angry teacher. “If you don’t…so help me.”
“I will,” I say. “I’ll need to get some good shots for the article.”
