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However I’d want it to. That’s like offering an all you can eat buffet to a person who only eats peanut butter sandwiches. I don’t know what I want. That’s the whole reason I’mhaving this ridiculous conversation.
“So, if I picked just one of you, you’d all be fine to stand back?” To be honest, the fact that they’re all into this idea of showing me the sexual ropes has me baffled. If there were other women here, they’d probably have shown me zero interest. Maybe that’s what I should do. Invite some friends over to defuse the sexual tension.
Except that isn’t what I want. Not really. Having ten men look at me like they’re ready to devour me is as thrilling as it is terrifying.
Theron makes a noise that sounds a lot like a growl and shakes his head. “I’m not stepping aside for anyone willingly.”
“Well, if we’re getting all alpha male and shit, then neither am I,” Carson says.
“I think you can safely assume that none of us is willingly giving up the chance to be with you, Allie.” Jonas cocks his head to one side, and then flicks the water from his slick hair the way Justin Bieber used to when he was a teen.
“So, it’s all or nothing?” The squeaky high pitch to my voice doesn’t exactly communicate confidence. In fact, it does exactly the opposite.
What would ‘all’ even look like? Dawn might be confident enough to exist at the center of a giant harem, but that’s not me. Then I remember what she told me about Kyla and how her multiple-relationship started. She went out on dates with eight men that ended up in her experiencing eight kinks. Somehow, after all of those different experiences, she realized she wanted to be with them all.
I should pick ‘nothing’. I should tell these men who are gathered around me like bees around their queen that this whole discussion is deeply foolish and misguided. I should go back to my room to take a really cold shower, put on some business attire and face the group like the professional I’m supposed to be.
I should, but I don’t want to. I want to know what it’s like to be with each of them. To feel the rough callouses of Theron’s palms and know if Jimmy fucks with as much pent up energy as he lives his life. I want to feel Russell let go of what he’s holding coiled up inside and see if Oliver likes to be in control in bed, too. I want to see Carson and Clay’s tattoos and trace the inky lines with my fingers and tongue, and rest in the warm embrace of Gabe. I want to run my fingers through Stefan’s salt and pepper hair and let Tom touch me with gentle hands. I want to know if Jonas’s cock feels as good in real life as the replica.
Most of all, I want to feel free, spread my wings, soar toward the sun, and not worry if I get burned.
I’ve not known these men long, but the conversations we've had mean I know them in a way I’ve never known a man before, and with more days to go, that feeling of connection is only going to get stronger.
“This is crazy,” I mutter, blowing out a long breath that leaves a hollow ache in my chest.
“Crazy,” Gabe says, “But awesome?”
He’s right. Crazy and awesome. Two words that shouldn’t go together but totally do.
I duck down under the water again, and the rush of the ocean around me is white noise for my soul. When I emerge, I know what I’m going to say, even though the very taste of the words feel strange and exotic on my tongue.
“I’m in,” I say, only to be met with surprised silence.
15
JONAS
As we all stare at Allie, not quite believing she’s actually agreed to Theron’s out-there proposal, I grin and shake my head because I know I played a big part in making this thing happen. Allie said yes because I exposed her physical need. She’s been hiding behind her self-control and self-denial for too long when what she needs is what we all need. To feel a connection with another human being. To find out about our own sexuality and embrace it.
I usually train every day, running off any pent-up energy or memories that I wish were buried, making sure that this body that earns me a living stays in perfect condition. Today, my body aches for something else.
Sweet Allie with her mysterious brown eyes and lips that are perfectly pouty with a cupid bow I want to lick. Sweet Allie with curves for days, and a total lack of awareness of just how sexy she is. Sweet Allie, who pretends she’s happy being one thing but really craves to be another.
I recognize that duality. So much of the way I act around other people is a shield. The jokiness helps me feel in control, and people love to laugh. I got kicked in the head a lot less in foster care when I was funny instead of angry.
Being in this house with so many people reminds me a little of the good times I had growing up. The best foster home I spent time in had eight other kids, and I was never lonely. It was the only time I felt like part of a family.
Before I get a chance to reply, Theron’s asking how Allie wants it to work. The poor girl looks like her brain might explode from the stress and that isn’t what sex should be about.
“We’ll work out something between us,” I say. “And if it’s good for Allie, it’ll be good for us.”
Allie’s shoulders lower, as the burden shifts from her to us. “Thanks,” she mouths. “So, I’m going to head inside to work. I’ll see you guys for lunch?”
“I’m cooking,” Tom says.
“Please tell me you have some culinary skills,” Carson says. “I’m famished already.”
Allie swishes her hips as she makes her way from the water, raising her hands to squeeze the water from her hair. Her retreat is watched by every man with an intensity I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed from a whole group before.
