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When Allie's done, her body slumps over mine, her thighs clamped around my head, her forehead resting on the wall above the bed. She's panting and gasping, her body twitching with aftershocks, and I just lie still and hold her around her ass, patting her in a way I hope is reassuring.
"Oh, god, Russell. That was. I mean. Holy shit."
"Shh. I've got you, beautiful. I'm here."
"You made me."
"Yeah."
"I did that. Jesus."
"Shh. Relax."
"Russ."
"Don't try to speak, beautiful. Just breathe." She scrambles down fast, as though she's worried that I’m the one who can't breathe. I don't tell her that this moment, with the most private part of her body spread over my face, is the best of my whole fucking life.
"Can I watch you?" She twists to look at where my cock is still a flaming bar, cupped by my motionless hand.
I should say no. This high school fooling around isn’t right for grown people. But there's something undeniably attractive about starting small and building up. Why race to the finish line when the run up can be this satisfying? "Yes."
"Touch it for me. Make yourself come."
""Fuck, Allie."
"Do it, Russell."
I grab my cock again and begin to jerk it. My hips rise and fall, pushing my dick through the tunnel of my fist, and then I'm lost. I masturbate like I do when I'm alone. No care that Allie's watching or what she's thinking. No shame about my need for release. Allie's eyes, her body, her presence is so intense. Her hand that drifts down the ladder of my abs is the best kind of tease. Her words are too much. My balls tighten, and my thighs burn, and my dick is so hard it aches for release.
"I'm going to come," I groan. "I'm going to come."
"Let it go. Let it all go."
"Allie." I gasp her name like the last word of a dying man. "Baby."
"That's it."
"Beautiful girl. Fuck...I'm coming." And I am. I am, and it’s the biggest release of my life. My body spasms like it’s pulsing with an electric charge. Knowing she's watching just makes everything more intense.
Afterwards, I can't even look at her, but somehow, Allie knows to get the damp washcloth from the bathroom and wipe down my abs and chest.
"Are you okay?" she asks.
I can’t tell her that I feel like she opened my chest and took out my heart. I don't tell her that waiting for Oliver to take his turn with her is like a knife to my soul. "You should sleep now." I pull her against me, tuck her face into my chest and pray that she'll sleep, because I don't have it in me to answer any more questions or face up to any more truths.
I don’t have it in me to deny her if she asks for more.
The night is for dreaming, so that's what we’ll do.
32
ALLIE
When I wake, Russell isn't in my bed, and I hate the emptiness he's left behind. He came to me when I needed him, and he gave me everything he could without betraying the other men in the house. Russell is honorable and good. He's the kind of foundation to build a life on, but I can tell he doesn't believe that about himself.
I'm sticky, so I take a quick shower and throw on a purple two-piece with gold chain detail, and a pair of gold heeled sandals. In the mirror I look like a girl playing at being a rich woman who summers in Monaco, but I don't change or cover up. The outfit feels like a costume, which feels right because I'm playing at being a different person after all.
Only three days left and then this experience is all over.
