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“I have to go,” Oliver says. “This is my mess. I have to clean it up.”
“I want to go too. I have some experience dealing with scandals. Not personal, but another friend.” Stefan rests his hand on Oliver’s shoulder, showing his solidarity.
“I want to go,” I say. My confidence in the group has been shaken by Oliver’s admission.
“I need to go.” Theron stands with his hands in the pockets of his gray sleep shorts, and I understand immediately why he feels that way. As the orchestrator of the proposal, he created the right environment for this tornado of destruction.
We never should have agreed to the proposal. I said it from the start. But if we didn’t, we never would have had the chance to experience the woman who has turned all of our lives inside out and upside down. I should resent him for bringing trouble to Allie’s doorstep, but how can I when his impetuous actions have brought me so much joy? Joy that I didn’t realize I missed so much.
“Four is plenty,” I bark, before anyone else has a chance to toss their hat into the ring.
“We’ll leave in twenty minutes.” Oliver glances around the hallway. “I need to check the place over and lock it up.”
We all stare at him, wondering what he means exactly. Then the penny drops. “This is your beach house.” I stare at him, dumbfounded.
Oliver nods. “Another thing my uncle left me in his will.”
“I need to upgrade my uncles.” Jimmy’s already drifting back to his room when he laughs wryly at his own joke.
I wonder how Allie will react when she finds out just how much Oliver was involved in setting up the assignment that’s crumbled her present and risked her future. If it was me, I think I’d punch him in the face.
But I believe Oliver’s regret and apology. The confident man has disappeared and in his place is one who’s cloaked in a dark shadow of shame and regret.
“Twenty minutes,” I agree, even though nobody is waiting for my confirmation. Twenty minutes until we start on a journey to find our girl and make things right.
Who knows if she’ll listen.
All I know is that I’ve never been more desperate for someone's forgiveness than I am right now.
38
OLIVER
I’ve fucked up a lot in my life, not because of errors of judgement but more because I’m not afraid to take risks, and with risk comes unpredictability.
But this fuck-up is the worst of them all.
The thought that Allie is alone and upset has torn my heart through my rib cage and left it flayed and open by my feet. The thought that I’ve brought her anything but joy and pleasure is a knife to the gut.
I can’t pack quickly enough, so instead of my usual impeccably orderly suitcase, I just stuff everything inside in a crumpled mess. Suddenly, nothing that seemed important before, seems important now.
My mind whirs like the engine of a jet ski, noisy and out of control, revving over all the things I need to tell Allie, and all the ways I might help her in this disaster I’ve created. Forget that it was Theron who came up with the proposal that instigated this catastrophe. It was my decisions from before we even arrived at the beach house that led to all of this.
My original motivations behind the idea don’t matter now. They’re dust in the wind. All that matters is reaching Allie and bringing her peace and relief.
But how am I going to do it?
I’ve been backed into a corner of my own making by members of my family, out for blood. It’s not an excuse. Far from it. But I should have been more careful. I should have listened to my reservations and not let my dick rule my head.
It wasn’t just your dick, though, was it?
My dick didn’t crave the beguiling mix of innocence and intelligence that makes Allie so bewitching. It didn’t love seeing her light up like the moon at its fullest. It wasn’t my dick that listened to her talk about what’s important to her in life to find so much to admire in her answer. No, that was all in my heart and mind.
What have I done?
Stefan calls it a midlife crisis. I don’t think it’s that. Allie snuck up on me in a way that no other woman ever has before, and she stole my sense and my propriety and left me an impetuous mess capable of wrecking everything.
I’m not blaming her. Far from it. The guilt rests entirely in my court. I’m old enough to have sufficient experience to understand and deal with my weaknesses. How many opportunities did I have to simply walk away? I tried to give her a way out, but she didn’t want one. I could have excused myself once I saw the direction of the group, but I couldn’t. Hell would freeze over before I have the strength to walk away from Allie.
