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He offers me a stupid, apologetic grin that I want to smack off his gorgeous face. "I’m so sorry. I’ll take care of it. I have an industrial carpet cleaner.” He shoves his hands in his back jeans pockets and rocks on the heels of his black motorcycle boots.
I stand there, hands clenching at my sides. Noticing I haven’t responded, he brings his eyes to mine. “I'll bring it over and clean the mess myself. You’ll never know it happened. You shouldn’t have to do it. Then in the morning I'll check the yard for additional land mines."
I can tell he’s sorry and I feel a little bad for yelling. But damn. I need a break. "I appreciate the offer, Gideon, but I’ll take care of it myself," I huff, releasing a big breath and some of the tension in my shoulders goes with it. I’d rather not deal with the dog shit but I’m in the mood to be stubborn. Even though being hard headed will only result in additional work for me. Kevin has the kids, and I would much rather be alone. Plus, these aren’t the best circumstances to try and learn what he’s hiding behind his mysterious facade. As if emphasizing my comment, a loud crack of thunder vibrates the ground beneath my feet. I tilt my head back to see black clouds rolling in against the darkening sky. A sardonic giggle slips from my lips and I don’t care if I look crazy as I laugh at the sky.
In the next second large drops of rain begin to splatter against my face.
"What's funny?" Gideon asks, not realizing he’s the reason.
Thinking of how my day began and ended, I answer him, “When it rains, it pours.” I don’t wait for his response. I’m sure I probably sound and look like a mad woman but I’m too far gone to worry about such things. As if I don’t have a care in the world, I strut back to my house.
three
Itrot up the wooden stairs of my front porch and gaze at my door with the quaint welcome mat laid out before it. Matching potted plants of green foliage and white flowers bracket the sides like little wilted soldiers. Getting lost in the mundane view before me, I contemplate my next move.
With a heavy sigh I turn and take in the street as the raindrops bounce off the asphalt. Any light from the moon is obscured by the rolling storm clouds. Lulled into a sense of peacefulness I plop my butt down on the porch swing and let myself be put into a trance by the rain's peaceful rhythm. I sit here for a minute, enjoying nature's serenity. Today has left me mentally and physically exhausted.
Not wanting to subject myself to the horror awaiting me inside, I decide to leave it for tomorrow. It will be a craptastic way to start my day.
I close my eyes and listen to the squeaking chains while the swing rocks, contemplating how my life became a giant circus. Twenty years ago, I wouldn’t have thought this is what my life would have looked like. Divorced with three kids and no boyfriend. Shit, the last time I had sex was with Kevin and it was lackluster at best. Our love life could be described mostly as vanilla. I never felt comfortable revealing my dark desires to Kevin because never seemed receptive to anything new. Plus, he was only concerned with getting himself off.
I was always an afterthought.
The intrusive sound of a garage door closing loudly on its tracks has me opening my eyes to see Gideon making his way to his front door. My lights are off so I have free reign to admire him under the dark cloak of anonymity while he walks inside. I bet for Gideon it is a prerequisite to get his partners off before finding his own pleasure.
All this stuff with my neighbor has me reevaluating everything, a bit. Maybe I’m ready to get out there and date again. With my hectic life, I don’t know the next time I’ll ever feel the touch of a man. Fuck, I’m only thirty-seven I want to know what it feels like to be all someone lusts after. I’m still young and I should live life while I can. Battery operated boyfriends can’t hold you after you come down from a euphoric high.
I pull my phone from my side pocket and stare at the black screen and the possibilities it represents. The answer is right in front of me all I have to do is make the first move. Once I do this there's no going back to how my life used to be. Am I ready for my life to change? Am I ready for the possible disappointment of my desires being actualized then not being fulfilled by it?
There's only one way to find out.Mickie, take a leap for once in your life.
I swipe my phone awake, ready for this adventure. My finger finds the teal letter X centered on the black square of the app icon, taunting me. I go to the folder of correspondence and open it. In no time, I find what I’m looking for and hit the send arrow before I have time to change my mind.
Me: Rendezvous
Wolf said he would become my worst nightmare. All he needed from me was to say the word.
Now’s the time!
If I wait any longer, I may never follow through with it.With having kids, it always makes me feel guilty when I attempt to have a life of my own. As if all my spare time needs to be spent with them.
Standing, I stick my phone back in the tight zipped pocket of my leggings, and once I do, I descend the stairs to the sidewalk. Nothing beats walking in the warm summer rain. I'm excited for the unknown that's hiding among the ominous shadows.
In the past, I would walk for hours in order to escape the chaos at home, but when Kevin left his family for a skank ten years younger than me, my opportunities to spend time alone dwindled.
At a steady pace, I stroll the sidewalk for a few minutes and stop in front of the open field surrounding our local elementary school. There’s no way to distinguish the one-story brick building in this weather and with the darkness of night. I've spent many long evenings here for the boys soccer games though, and know exactly where I'm going.
I pause for several moments, scanning my surroundings, not giving any mind to the rain soaking me through. I make sure to stand in plain sight by the school's sign for a few moments. I feel a little like a bug under a microscope but I ignore the sensation.
My head is on a swivel as I glance around before jogging across the street. There’s an instant rush of nostalgia when I step onto the grass and the long blades tickle the tips of my toes. The closer I get to the playground the more the distinct smell of wood chips fills the air, and I breathe deeply, enjoying it.
The seats of the swing set are waving in the wind, beckoning me.
I’m not going to let a little downpour prevent me from riding so I begin the trek toward it. The black hard plastic band is wet but I don’t let that stop me from plopping my ass on it. The rain transitions from a slight trickle to a freezing downpour but I ignore it and force pump my legs back and forth. I keep pushing myself to build enough momentum until I’m soaring among the tree tops. Air whooshes against my wet skin and the sensation is electrifying. Each time the swing bolts toward the heavens I’m slowly brought back to life.
This is the place I go and what I do to feel free. Each inch higher I get off the ground is an inch higher I am from my problems.
The raindrops pelting against my body causes my leggings to mold to me like a second skin and a strand of soaked hair clings to my face obstructing my view. I carefully remove a hand from the swings chain to peel the lock from my cheek. When I reach the peak of my next upward swing I catch a movement from behind a tree about a tennis court's length away.
