Page 10 of All For You Duet

Looking Too Closely by Fink

Dear Candy Cade,

A year ago, my sponsor told me a year ago to keep a journal, but I never listen.

I mean, I don’t even write fucking grocery lists.

The only things I write are notes on my pages that help my buzzing brain remember my lines.

But when I saw you tonight dancing with another man tonight… either I start writing, or I start drinking.

And I’m not drinking again.

I don’t know what to do around you now, so I’m an asshole—I know how to do that.

And YOU know how to leave me standing in a parking lot like the asshole I am.

So here I sit, like an idiot, on my childhood bed in my mama’s old house, and this pen in my hand feels weird.

I’d rather it be a bottle. Or a glass. Or a shot.

That I know too.

I don’t know where to start, but my sponsor said to start at the beginning.

Okay.

Here I go…

You are my beginning, Cade.

I’m writing this to you because my life started with you.

And trust me, I almost died trying to change that. I couldn’t empty enough bottles to free my heart of you.

A boy doesn’t remember when he started loving his mom or sister. You’re just born with that love in your heart, I guess.

But I remember the moment I first felt love.

It was with you. It was the day we met.

Do you remember it?

I do. I think about it all the time.

It was August at a shoot for a Christmas ad. Jesus, remember the outfits they made us wear? Santa’s little elves?

But it paid the bills for my mom. I was only nine years old but the man of the house. I had to take care of her and my baby sister. So I smiled for every camera she sat me in front of.

It was so hot that day, I hated life. No kid should wear red velvet in August in South Carolina.

Then you plopped beside me on the park bench with bouncy curls in your long, brown hair, swinging your legs and handing me a candy cane.

I took one look at you, at your dollface and those lips I’ll die for, and my insides were a marshmallow. I went all squishy inside for you.

Suddenly, I didn’t feel hot. You made me feel warm.

“What’s your name?”

Source: www.allfreenovel.com