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But a couple of questions have haunted my soul for years, have left me aching inside for so long.
“But why did you leave me? You came over the next day and told me we were over, to find someone else to love, and then you left. For ten years. And you took my broken heart with you.”
It trembles my lips, asking him. His do the same, bravely answering while his eyes threaten tears too.
“Because I didn’t know how I’d hide from you what they did to me.”
“What do you mean? Did they ra—”
“I don’t know.” Quickly, he answers, “I don’t remember. When I woke up, I was in so much pain; there was so much blood, I don’t know.”
The detective in me knows, “That’s evidence of it.”
“You don’t understand. That’s not where I was bleeding.”
“What?” I can’t separate being the woman who loves and hurts for him from being the detective who keeps asking. “What do you mean?”
“It’s not your fault, Cade.” His hand squeezes mine tight. “Promise me you’ll know that.”
I’m confused, “I promise,” spinning in a haze of unknown while Redix slowly rolls onto his stomach and pulls the sheet away, hiding his body.
It takes me tragic moments to see, to let it sink in.
My fingertips reach out to make sure it’s real…
Oh my God, it is…
And sobs escape. Tracing over his skin, I touch the horrific, jagged scar on his buttock—two dorsal fins.
It’s our tattoo carved deep into his flesh.
They did this to him. They hurt him like this.
Mocking our love, they branded his flesh because they were after me… but Redix protected me.
So they went after him.
There’s no breath. No sight through my tears. No sound but my cries. My hands shake while all I can do is kiss his scars and let every piece of pain, of guilt flow from me.
Saline meets my lips pressing gently against his mutilated flesh, and with his slight flinch at my touch, I only sob more. My tears fall over his scarred skin while he lets me touch him there, finally understanding why.
Why he ran.
Why he hid.
Why he needed years.
Why he could never escape their torture because he’ll be wearing it for the rest of his life.
“It should’ve been me.” It’s all I can think. “It should’ve been me.” It’s all I can say. “It’s my fault they hurt you.”
I’ll never let it go; my deal.
“No.” Quickly, he rolls back over, lifting my wet jaw in his hands. “No, Cade. I was there for a reason, and I’d do it again for you. If they had taken you, it would’ve been a lot worse. What they could’ve done to you; that would’ve hurt us more, and you know it.”
I’m grabbing for breath. For logic through his words.
“I’m so sorry.” I can hardly speak. I’m tethered to his eyes and barely hanging on. “I’m so sorry I got mad. I’m so sorry I fought you and left. I understand now.” I need this from him. “Please forgive me.”
