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“I ain’t mansplaining. It’s obvious; you love Redix Dean.” Now my coffee is cool enough. I take a sip before I add, “And you like me too, and that’s fucking with your head.”
She flops it back on the seat and sighs. “I want to hear your story. I’m so tired of mine.”
“My story?” I take another sip. “Well, my first love was a girl named Charlie Ravenel.”
“Charlie Ravenel?” Her chin shocks my way. “You know her?”
“Yeah. She used to babysit me. You know her?”
“Yeah. We rode the bus to high school together.”
“Well, then you know how beautiful she is, so of course, I fell in love with her but could never have her. At first, I was too young, and then Daniel Pierce came along, so I was fucked. Not by her, unfortunately, so I learned to move on.”
“If Charlie was your first love, when did you realize you were bisexual? That you liked men too?”
“At The Citadel.” Suddenly, this ain’t an easy chat. My chest tightens. “My parents made me go, so I’d be a real southern man and all. I didn’t want to, but I didn’t wanna disappoint them. The fucking buzz cut alone felt wrong to me. But then I met Alec and didn’t want to leave.”
“So it was Alec?”
“Yeah, he was the college quarterback and in my barracks and company, too.”
“A bisexual man at a military college?” Cade’s logic moves fast. “You had a target on your back.”
“No shit. That’s why no one knew. I wasn’t weirded out by what I felt for Alec; I just knew like hell if I could show it.”
“Did he know?”
“Yeah. At first, we were friends, cadets getting through the training. Then it was Thanksgiving, and his family didn’t have money to fly him home, so he came home with me.”
“Your parents didn’t know?”
“Not at first. Hell, Alec and I didn’t know until one night we got pretty wasted on my dad’s bourbon, and he told me how he felt. We, uh…” Damn, I forgot how this hurts remembering him, how he had the best laugh in the world. “We did everything together that weekend, and I was in love. So was he, but we knew we had to hide it.”
Cade reaches for my hand on the console. I didn’t realize it; it was shaking.
“What happened?” Her voice is soft, so are her eyes, and she isn’t judging me.
“We hid it for a year. Everyone thought we were best friends. We were… and more. And I had all kinds of dreams that we’d be together forever. Like we could make it work once we graduated. But then…”
Bitter coffee churns in my stomach when I remember.
“We got caught together by his coach. It was just us in the barracks, and we should’ve known better, but we were young and dumb. And the fucking coach, that perv saw the whole thing. Alec was bottom that time, and the coach clapped when I came. It was fucking sick what he did. That motherfucker watched us and waited and laughed, degrading us on purpose.”
“Did everyone find out?”
“Hell no. The coach couldn’t lose his star quarterback, but I got burned. Because I was top, he said I ‘defiled’ Alec, and it was my fault. They called my parents and kicked me out for dishonorable conduct, and my dad hasn’t looked me in the eye since.”
“I’m so sorry.” She squeezes my hand, and I like her touch. “What happened to Alec? Do you keep in touch?”
“No. He’s playing pro, and I guess he stays closeted. Like he has a wife and all. I don’t know. Maybe he’s bi, too.”
“And your parents? They just kicked you out?”
“Yep. I don’t give a shit about my family’s money. Trust me. It comes with too many strings attached. Like if I want to inherit the Van de May fortune, I can’t be with a man.”
“Do you want to be with a man?”
“I want to love who I choose to love and be proud of it. No amount of money is gonna change that. My parents cut me off, but my grandma stood by me. She understood. Deep down, I wonder if she struggled with the same thing, but she never told me. She just gave me her family’s old house on Daufuskie and a million to set up my business.”
