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Damn, her thighs are shaking. Mine are, too. And my lips. My whole world is quaking at our fuck. It is changing. We’re changing. I reach around for her clit, for her release, to see her set free. “Whose pussy is this?”
“Mine,” she huffs.
“Is your pussy gonna come because it loves getting fucked?” Her clit’s so swollen, so ready.
“Yes,” she huffs.
“Yeah, you are.” I rub it so hard and fuck her so hard that she breaks apart in the reflection. Her eyes fly wide open. Like something releases, like she’s drawing breath for the first time with her scream while I growl, “What’s your name?” and she can’t answer.
My cock, my need, my insanity, it’s here, and my breath can’t be any thinner; I can’t want her any more than this. “What’s my name?” With three more thrusts, I grab her shoulders so hard she sighs, “Silas,” and I lose it all to her, everything rushing from me, all I’ve held back for so long.
“Oh God, Cade.” I can’t help it. I close my eyes and toss my chin back while my body seizes. While I pray. While I can’t believe we’re together. Because she feels so damn good, and I’m so thankful, finally, for her.
We find our breath and our bodies on the rug. She turns around, and I pull her into me.
“Is that what you needed?” I whisper into her hair. “Is that how you wanna change?”
“Yes,” she sighs into my chest and finds my heart. “Thank you.”
I lift her chin and choke up at the tears in her eyes. “You’re gonna change me too, Cade. We both need new lives.”
“We all do.” She pecks my lips before nuzzling into my neck, and I know she’ll never let Redix go, either. And somehow, I believe, a woman like her, she’s strong enough for us both.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
“You like it black with no sugar, right?” Karen sets the coffee down in front of me.
How much is she watching me?
Then again, I’ve been watching her.
She sits right across from me in our AA circle, and I notice how she always wears those heels, black leather, and lots of red lipstick. It’s a hot look. It certainly dresses up a church.
“Yeah, thanks.” I stand up and pull a chair out for her. Though it’s a bit cold—even I’m wearing a jean jacket—she wanted to sit on the patio of this coffee shop, so I held the table for us.
It’s fine by me. No one’s out here, so I won’t get spotted. “How do you take your coffee?”
“Lots of cream and sugar.” Her smile is permanent. “Coffee’s optional.”
I ask her about her New Year’s; then she talks about her job and a project she’s working on. When we get to mine, I tell her I’m waiting to hear if my show gets the green light to film in Georgia this spring. Lorraine should know any day.
I hope it’s a yes so that I can stay with my family. If not, I might convince them to move to LA with me, anything to keep Renie and Nicolas safe.
“I gotta admit it’s weird.” Karen picks at her muffin. “Like you’re Redix from my AA meetings, but you’re also Redix Dean, and I can’t stop staring; I’m sorry.” She touches my knee. “I hope that doesn’t weird you out.”
“Not really.” It does. And I don’t want to insult her, but her hand on my knee makes it worse. “It’s a surreal life, and if it starts feeling normal, you’re in trouble. That means you’re living in the lens, not your life.”
“What does that mean?”
“You either look at yourself the way you think others do, like through a camera lens, which is all I knew for so damn long, and it’s toxic. Or you look at yourself as you really are, which keeps me sober.”
“Who are you really?”
It’s lightning, the turn of my chin: that question strikes, and Cade flashes in my mind. I sip my coffee, and I can’t answer.
Because I miss her, I ache without her.
And I fear I’ll never stop.
