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No, it makes me sad.
I know he’s free about sex, and God knows I’ve enjoyed how he’s taught me to be, too, but I can just sense it. Silas wants more. He needs more. He has the biggest heart, and it’s casting a wide net, hoping to pull love into his life.
Is it me? Is it Redix?
I don’t know.
Because no matter if I ever love another man, they’ll have to share my heart with Redix. Maybe that’s an asshole admission, but it’s true, and I’m making peace with it.
“What’s rattling in that skull of yours?” Dad appears by my side.
“Everything.”
“Me too.” He huffs the fresh mountain air. “I can’t figure it. What the hell made them open up my case again?”
Dad asks what we have no clue about. He’s been retired for almost twenty years as a former cop. You’d think the reason why—that he got investigated for excessive use of force—would be water under the bridge. Yes, my dad beat the hell out of a man sexually abusing his five-year-old daughter. There’s no excuse for what my dad did, but I understand it.
That’s why he took early retirement. That’s why he and Mama divorced. His outburst disgraced her and almost took down her job as Sheriff, too.
But now, some reporter’s investigating it again, asking around, saying she wants to do a feature on police brutality and corruption. It’s an important issue, but why focus on my dad? We don’t know.
“Was that the office?” Dad asks.
“Yeah, Penny’s in labor, so I gotta head back today. We just confirmed DNA matches on Derek Baucom in other cases, so when we nail his ass, we got him for good.”
Dad nods. “What about Gentry?”
How my dad hates that man, too. What he must’ve seen the night Gentry, TJ, and Derek attacked Redix, I can’t imagine. Actually, I can, and I don’t know how my dad didn’t kill those guys then.
“The FBI is pursuing the cybercrime route with him. His golf tours are a cover for a larger ring; I know it. He uses several courses. I need to figure out the one he’s using to cover it all up.”
“That can take some time.”
“Yeah. But at least the attacks on women stopped, so we have some.”
Those attacks stopped because of what me, my dad, and Mama won’t say aloud—we stopped them by putting TJ at the bottom of the ocean.
Dad’s quiet. And I don’t need to peep a single word to know exactly where his mind goes next.
“Y’all ever gonna work this out?”
My history is too short, too easy with Silas. He’s asking about Redix.
“He can’t forgive me. The whole TJ thing ripped open a wound he fought to heal. Even though Mama told him it was her, he’s still angry with me. He hasn’t said it, but I see it in his eyes.”
“Give him time. He’s angry about what happened to him, and he needs to let himself feel it.”
“When he does, he takes it out on me.”
Dad winces. “That’s because he’s safe with you.”
“It still hurts like hell.”
“Yeah.” He pauses. “Does it hurt him? You being with Silas?”
“No. He likes him.” A lot. I don’t say it.
“Don’t blame him. Silas is a helluva man too.”
