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The pile of laundry in my hamper is obscene. I throw my wet bath towel on top of it, and I swear I’ll do it tomorrow and air dry for now.
I’ve been busy. Everyone is back on the water, and I’ve got a repair waitlist. I love it, though. Nothing makes me happier than fixing something with my bare hands.
Well… a couple of things do, but I don’t have either to make me happy.
The way I left things with Redix the other night bothers me. It was so intense. It felt so right what we were finally doing, and damn, I wanted him too.
But then he got a text from that woman in his AA group, and I guess I have to admire him. He dropped me to help her. Like it was part of his sobriety code of ethics, and I get it.
But something felt wrong. He kept apologizing, rushing us out the door of his trailer so he could bail her out of whatever crisis she was in. I sat in my truck a few minutes afterward, trying not to feel used.
It sorta worked.
Redix wouldn’t do that, would he? He wouldn’t use me to get his bi-curious rocks off and then ghost me. He’s not that kind of man, is he?
Yeah, he has a wild past. I’ve seen the videos online. I don’t know everything, but I know he was drunk during them. And I know whatever broke him and Cade up has to do with his sobriety now.
He’s changed, I guess.
I’m just getting to know him, and he comes with lots of baggage, so I can’t explain why my heart feels open to him. Just like it does to Cade. But I don’t doubt her, and I know why. She reminds me of another woman who I trust with my soul.
But Redix?
It’s different with him than it was with Alec. I was barely an adult with Alec. Now, I’m a grown man who knows what I want. I want Redix and his passionate heart. I want Cade and her fire. They’re so different than me, and that pulls me to them.
And I meant it. I want Cade back.
That’s not the right word.
I don’t want to go back to just me and her. I want the three of us in the future. Not just because it’s my wildest fantasy.
My heart wants to feel it. I want to feel a drop of the love Cade and Redix share. I want that in my life. I want it in my heart. It’s like they swim in the deep end of life, and maybe I’ve been too shallow. Growing up with billions made me entitled. Getting kicked out of it made me numb.
And all I want to do is feel everything now.
I slide on a pair of grey boxers and flop on my bed. My friend Quincy’s outside in his yard, and I can smell his cigarette smoke from up here in his garage loft.
That reminds me of someone I miss, who I haven’t talked to in months. I check my phone. It’s midnight here—six a.m. where she is. With baby twins and Daniel filming, I bet she’s up.
“Hey, you little shit.” Her beautiful face appears on my screen… and she smiles. “Long time, no see.”
“Hey, Charlie Girl.” Damn, my first love still rips my breath away. “How y’all doing over there?”
“We’re great. Look at who wants to say hi.” She turns her phone on video chat towards the cutest little boy on my screen. “Say hi, Duke. Say hi to Silas.” He lifts his chubby hand toward the screen.
“Hey, little one.” God, he’s getting big. “Where’s Caroline?”
Charlie turns the screen back to her. “Daniel has her outside. They’re picking strawberries for breakfast.”
As much as I love this woman, and always will, “happy for her” doesn’t describe it. Every time I see her stunning face, the bullet scar across her cheek reminds me of how she deserves every happy day she has now.
“What’s going on with you?” she asks. “I know it’s something. I can see it on your face.”
“Nothing.” I lie, and she laughs.
“Either tell me or put some clothes on because one of those needs to happen.”
I wander my hand down my abs, holding my screen high so she can watch. “I thought we could sex cam.” It’s too fun teasing her.
