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“I don’t remember any of that.” It’s pain. It’s remorse. “I was fucked up the whole time.”
“Yeah, well, I remember it. Every soul-killing second of it.” Goddamnit, I hate the tears falling down my cheeks. “To answer your question, that’s what I’ve been doing for ten years; dying on the sidelines of your celebrity sex life.”
He drops down on the lounger beside me.
“Please don’t cry.” His tenderness suddenly soars my heart rate to near-dizzy levels. “Not over me. I’m not worth it.”
He reaches for my hand, but I jerk it away.
“Despite how you hate me, Redix, I would never do that to you, not with TJ.”
“I don’t hate you.”
“You sure act like it. You can’t stop blaming me or hurting me, or insulting me.”
His face softens.
“That’s because I’m an addict and an asshole, and after all this time, I don’t know what to say to you, Cade.”
His candor shocks me. He’s being so honest, so vulnerable. The tender look in his eyes is like we’re suddenly eighteen again, and it rushes in so fast because I’ve missed him so much.
I can’t stop it…
“Insult me one more time, Redix Louis Dean”—I know how to make him smile—“and I’ll drown your pretty ass in that pool.”
There it is.
It lifts his cheeks, softening me too, and glimpses of who we used to be together quickly reappear.
Did they ever leave?
“Drowning in your arms, Magnolia Cade Bryant, it would be the best death I could wish for.”
“Don’t say that.” More tears suddenly fall, washing away my fury. “I’m so proud of you for getting sober.”
The fact that Redix has a problem with alcohol and drugs and almost died because of it doesn’t surprise me.
I have unhealthy addictions, too.
One’s sitting right in front of me.
I’ll die for him too.
He looks to the distance. “It ain’t easy staying sober when TJ comes around.” In that memory, he disappears momentarily before looking back at me. “And FYI. Angie is not my girlfriend. I told you; I don’t do them or dates. That’s just bullshit my manager makes up.”
Warmth flushes my heart. The hope in it scares me.
“Tell that to Angie. That’s not the look in her eyes when she’s around you.”
“I was right.” The grin on his face is a dangerous curve. It makes me wanna wrap my arms around his neck. “She makes you jealous.”
“I have no right to be.”
“Since when does my Candy Cade care about being right?”
“Please stop calling me that. I’m serious.”
“Why? You used to love that name.”
