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No, my ass ain’t too precious to fly coach. It’s too famous. I had every passenger around me wanting selfies and snapping pics of me when I just wanted to close my eyes and pray you’d give me another chance.
I get it. I won’t pop up in your life like that again. Hell, you almost shot me, so that’ll teach me.
But we worked it out. We always did because, yeah, we’ve had our fights. You have a temper, and I have no filter.
That’s a hot mess right there.
Remember the fight we had over senior prom? I asked you to go with me. (That would’ve been our first real date.) But you said no. That TJ and Gentry would ruin it for us.
At first, I was like, “Fuck ‘em,” and got mad at you for not going with me.
Those boys had been calling me names for years, from “pretty boy” to “model ass” to every gay slur in the book. By the time we were seniors, I was bigger than them. I didn’t worry about them.
I should’ve.
I think deep down; you knew they were a threat.
You get that from your parents. You’re a born detective. You can smell guilt a mile away.
But I was determined to have our prom. So I rented a tux but didn’t wear the shirt or shoes. I showed up at your mom’s with pink tulips. Some bloomed at the house where our bus stop was, and you used to say how you loved them, so I cut a few from the yard. (Sorry, Ms. Parker).
I told you to put on a dress.
I didn’t ask you, so by your rules; it wasn’t a date.
But you finally stopped fighting me. You wore a white dress. I remember because you almost looked like my bride in it.
I hoped you would be.
I still do.
Our parents helped me. Our moms put lit candles in jars in a circle on the beach for us. They left a picnic basket too. And your dad hooked me up with some champagne and a speaker for my iPod. I even got a wrist corsage for you. No magnolias, I told the florist. And it was small. I know you think big shit is tacky.
When you saw the glowing candles in a circle like our own dance floor, it made you cry.
God, you’re so beautiful like that.
When you’re not pissed and trying to right some wrong, you give me your heart, and it’s like I’m holding a tiny bird in my hands. Delicate. Trusting.
You danced with me on that dark beach. We had it to ourselves, and you kissed me, swearing it was better than any prom could be.
And it was.
Our song played. I knew it would be the seventh on my playlist. I got on one knee and proposed to you with “Chasing Cars” playing for us, and fuck, you saw it… yeah, I had a few tears too.
People told us eighteen was too young.
Yeah, I agree for most.
But we were never like most, Cade.
The world shut us out from a young age, treating us like a beautiful circus sideshow to gawk at, and we found each other in that loneliness. I always hated it. I never felt comfortable in it. You’re the only one who knows how it feels for me when people want me, when they come after me. Because they come after you too.
Everyone always took from us, but we only gave to each other, so much friendship and love. So I gave you that necklace, the infinity one that night.
And I will, Cade.
I will love you for infinity.
