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I like being home. The less I’m out and about, the less likely it is for people to recognize me. To pity me.
But as soon as I started telling Oakley about it, I knew I should have mentioned it sooner. It feels very wrong that I didn’t tell her this right when she moved in.
Hey! Just so you know, I got a DUI and lost my license last year. But, hey, it’s all good. I’m getting it back soon. Don’t worry. It’s good. I’m all good.
Oakley drives us to Sophie’s house in town and things are quiet. She has a small smile frozen on her face. It’s as if she wants to be completely cool with what I told her. Almost like she doesn’t feel like she has the right to freak out about it, but she totally does—and she totally is.
I have to address this before we get there. I take a breath in and out. This is part of it, right? I messed up really bad. Part of making amends for that is having to deal with how people feel about it.
“I wanted to apologize again about your brother, and for the DUI, and for not telling you about it sooner.” I glance in her direction.
She waves me off, focusing on the road as she’s driving. “We all make mistakes.”
“Not like this, though.” I clear my throat, trying to figure out something to say that doesn’t come out wrong.
“True.” Oakley focuses on the road ahead. “But it looks like you’ve paid your dues and are in a better place now. And like you said, no one got hurt, so—” she stops talking, her lips forming a thin line.
“Iamin a better place. Without question.” I fidget with my seatbelt strap, my hands not able to stay still. “I was nervous to tell you because Brandt was so into alcohol.”
“Boozy Brandt Bordy?” Oakley says, but her voice is not light and jokey. There’s a chill there. “His drinking was a problem. I was considering breaking up with him because of it before I found he’d been stealing from me.”
Like always, I grow hot at the mention of what he did to her. “If he and I ever meet again, we will have words.”
She just bites her lip.
“Another thing I wanted to tell you is, Callie’s mom sent me a text. She’s having a birthday party at the gravesite in Austin for Callie next week. She would have been twenty-five.”
It takes Oakley a beat before she answers. “Are you going?”
My sigh gets stuck in my chest. “No. I hadn’t planned on it. It was nice of her mom to invite me. But I don’t want it to bring back all this stuff I’m trying to move on from.”
“Except, what if going would actually help you move on?” Oakley grips the steering wheel tightly and flicks a glance at me. “What if going helps you move forward with your life?”
I nod, not at all convinced. Seeing Callie’s family again after all this time, taking in their grief, would be too much for me, wouldn’t it? I’ve said my goodbyes to Callie. Many times. It’s been three years. I should be okay by now.
But I know I’m not.
And it’s different than before. Instead of Callie being in my front view, always present, it’s like her memory is dragging me back, like it’s pulling on my belt, yanking me to places I don’t want to be anymore.
I want to have a life with Oakley. I want to have a life for myself, but that would mean letting go of a desperate shadow of what I wanted.
Can I do that? Should I do that?
“Do you know her family well?” Oakley asks.
“I used to. And last summer, her mom called me out of the blue. She wanted to wish me luck in my upcoming football season.” I snort at the memory. “She even told me that I should start dating again.”
“What did you say to that?”
“I don’t remember. Probably something about how I knew I needed to but didn’t want to.” I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes a moment.
Oakley stops at a stop sign. “Alec?” She waits until I meet her gaze. “If you need some company at the birthday party, I’ve got you, okay? I mean, anything you need.” There’s fear in her eyes, but strength, too.
“Thank you.” I’m not going to go. But it helps to have her support.
We’re nearing the end of Lakeside Road, and I give Oakley directions to Sophie’s. We arrive and she parks and jumps out of her car so fast I don’t have time to wrap up this conversation in the way I’d hoped.
I’m distracted for a moment by Sebastian’s new silver, sleek, and sporty Range Rover. Its understated luxury has me drooling.
