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Now I recognize I’m not in the best frame of mind, but no matter how much I don’t want to believe this is a problem or indicates a pattern, I’m so disappointed. Alec gambles. It might just be casually with friends and family. But somehow, I can’t know for sure, and that’s the deadly part, that’s what’s so haunting, so risky.
What else is he hiding? That’s the biggest thought pulsing through me. He drinks—or used to drink. He gambles—casually, rarely, or is there more to the story?
I’m not going to stick around to find out. No matter how much I like him, and I really, really do, I’m not going to let all that happen to me again.
Every whisper of alarm I felt when I was with Brandt, when I thought we were happy but we actually weren’t, has taken residence under my skin. The caution. The alarm bells. The pulsating thought ofthings are not what they seemcareens through me. They are tiny weevils burrowing close to the surface and even in my lungs.
It doesn’t matter if this is about Brandt or Alec or some random person at the post office. It all feels hard. It all feelsnow.
And all the stuff Lizzy texted me about the rumors the Bordys are spreading? I feel like I’m falling and nothing’s available for me to grab onto.
At the next stop sign, I grab my phone and punch in Stella’s number.
She answers on the second ring. I force myself to speak calmly, even though my insides are acidic. “Stella, it’s Oakley Edwards. I’m Alec’s friend?” I didn’t mean for it to sound like a question. “Anyway, we’ve loved having Jerry here with us, but I have to go back to Texas and it looks like Alec is heading out to Miami for a week, so I was wondering if you could take him back? Or if you by chance had another place he could stay for a week until Alec gets home.”
“That’s too bad you’re leaving,” Stella says. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
Surprised at the concern in her voice, I plow ahead. I can’t get distracted from the task at hand. “No. Staying in Longdale was always temporary. I just really need to get back home now.” I fluff Jerry’s mop of hair. “I apologize I’m dumping the dog on you.”
“Nonsense,” Stella interrupts. “I dumped the dog on you, Oakley. It’s fine. We knew it would be temporary.”
So much temporary. Everything around me feels temporary, unsettling. Like the rug has been pulled out from under me again, for the second time in two months.
“Would you be able to bring Jerry to the house to me tonight?” Stella asks. “Sounds like it would be nice to not have him underfoot while you’re trying to leave.”
“I don’t want him underfoot for you, either. Except he’s been really good. I’m going to miss him.”
No.I tell the sting of tears in my eyes to back down.
“I’ll text you my address. It will be nice to see you,” Stella says.
By the time we get home and I’ve let Jerry out to do his business—I swear his bladder is microscopic in size—I’ve gone full-blown, missile cadet Oakley.
It’s almost a relief when I realize that gooey, emotional, soft Oakley isn’t my only setting these days. I welcome the hard lines of my face when I catch a glance in the mirror. I welcome the gusto with which I tear open the drawers and closet and sweep everything in them into my luggage.
It feels good to be moving swiftly. I’m not a toddler throwing a tantrum. I’m only making sure the world knows they can’t mess with me. They can’t pull the wool over my eyes. I won’t let them.
I book a room at the Motel 6, then dial my momma’s phone, knowing it’s past ten in San Antonio, but hoping she’s still awake. I put it on speaker and throw it on the bed so I can use both hands to unpack the closet. When she finally answers, I can barely hear her, and I have to paw through a couple of skirts to find my phone.
“Are you okay, Oakley?” My momma’s voice is tired and laced with concern.
“Not really.” I can’t talk about Alec because it all feels so undefinable. “I’m applying for physical therapy school.”
“Oh? Well, that’s great. You’ve always wanted to do that.”
“I’m…I can’t stay where I’m at anymore…It’s…” I take in a jagged breath. “I need to leave Longdale. I’m coming home.”
“Did something happen?”
“No. I don’t want to be a personal trainer anymore. This whole thing was—” I can’t call it a mistake. But what was it, exactly? A much-needed break from reality, until it suddenly wasn’t anymore. “It’s been a nice breather to be away from the team, Momma, but I had to get going eventually. I’m surprised I lasted over a month in the small-town life, actually.”
“Me, too. But honey, are you sure? What will you do between now and when classes start?”
“Classes. Right. I don’t know. And who knows if I’ll even get in?”
Momma sighs in exasperation. “You’ll get in, Oakley.”
I swallow hard. “I don’t really have a plan B, so I have to. And I guess until then, I could try to get a temporary position on a team for off-season training.”
