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My palms sweated.
I eyed the digital clock on my microwave from where I sat ramrod stiff at my kitchen table. Not long after Kellen had left, Jasper texted me that he was bringing dinner over a little early.
I planned on taking Kellen’s advice and telling him the truth. About Elite. Joseph.
Swallowing against rising bile, I counted my breaths, trying to calm myself. I wanted to escape. Shut down and ignore the one hurdle keeping me fully from Jasper.
Would he hate me?
Be disgusted by me?
Never trust me again?
I’d outright lied about what I’d been doing since January, so he had every right to walk away without looking back. My childhood had taught me that some truths were better left unsaid so your emotions couldn’t be manipulated, but I’d fucked up big time. What I wanted with Jasper—complete inhibition and comfort with him—would only come from laying all my cards on the table.
Would he accept what most people would consider a shameful part of my past? Would he be able to see beyond the way I’d chosen to sell my body in order to help my sister and her family survive? My decision hadn’t been solely for her—I couldn’t blame her for my actions. I’d hoped in the beginning to find some sense of satisfaction in sex.
I hadn’t.
And now I might lose the best thing I’d ever found because of it.
Jasper’s quiet knock caused me to jolt to my feet, and rubbing my palms down my shorts, I approached the door. My heart pounded. Mouth dried.
Please…please somehow make this okay.
I pulled the door open, and Jasper’s lack of smile, his wary eyes flitting over my face had my heart bottoming out. Anxiety rose to choke off my air.
“Mason,” he greeted quietly, no peace in his gaze or his tone when he looked at me.
I stepped back, tongue-tied and floundering on the edge of a shutdown.
He moved past me, set a takeout bag on the table, and turned toward me.
Unmoving, door still open, knob clenched in my hand, I stared. He was so beautiful. Smooth face, big, soulful amber eyes, the petite nose that crinkled when he smiled, and the softest lips I dreamed about kissing forever.
“I-I have to tell you something,” I choked out, on the verge of plummeting. Or puking. Probably both.
A huge exhale sagged Jasper’s shoulders, the slight furrow between his eyebrows relaxing. “Why don’t you shut the door and sit with me.”
I nodded but didn’t move.
With a smile that didn’t quite light up his eyes, Jasper approached me, eased my hold from the door, and pressed it shut behind me. “Come on, baby.”
The nickname brought tears of relief to my eyes, and the steadying grip of his hand on mine eased the clench in my stomach. I followed like a meek lamb as Jasper led me into the living room. He sat first, tugging me down beside him.
I angled so my knee pressed to his, needing another point of contact between us besides our hands.
“Talk to me, Mase. Tell me what’s causing your unrest, and we’ll see if we can’t make you feel better.”
“I want that more than anything,” I whispered, unable to look at his face. Instead, I studied my white knuckles from how tightly I gripped his fingers.
“Nothing you can say to me will change this connection between us, Mason. I’ve told you that before.”
My nod felt more like a flinch.
“So just spill it. Let’s work through this together.”
Closing my eyes, I inhaled fully so I wouldn’t pass out from lack of oxygen. What I had to share needed to tumble out on one breath, or I would never get through it.
