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She stood swaying, not saying a word as I unthreaded the chain, and tucked the box back into my pocket with the shell she’d given me. I would never admit that that simple spiky shell had become my most valuable possession.
Not because I spoke to my parents with it, like she’d suggested, but because I gave it my every confession about her. I spoke aloud my secrets when everyone was in bed, hoping it could cure me of the incurable desire for a girl I could never have.
Silently, I stepped behind her.
Her button-up top and night shorts were drenched and almost translucent beneath the polka dots, showing the curves of her body and the shadows of everything I shouldn’t want.
Glancing at the chain dripping in my fingers, she sucked in a breath. Without a word, she gathered up her sodden hair, revealing the gorgeous curve of her spine and nape as she kept her gaze firmly on the sand.
My voice was thick as oil as I said, “I bought this for you, Nerida. No one else.” Securing the clasp around her neck, I fought the battle of my body to spin her around and kiss her.
To kiss her the way I wanted to.
The way I would never be allowed to: with teeth and tongue and years’ worth of torment.
Somehow, I found enough strength to hug her gently, sweetly—perfectly approved for fathers and the strict promises I’d made.
She shivered as I hugged her from behind, resting my chin on her shoulder, keeping my hips and what she’d done to me far away from her perfect ass.
“I couldn’t believe it when I first saw the charm,” I whispered. “The girl caught my attention first, swimming exactly like you do...so full of grace and power. But when I saw the sea lion swimming with her...the way it looked at her with so much love and joy, I had to buy it for you.” Pressing a chaste kiss to the side of her hair, I licked my lips at the salt coating her. “You once told me that your name means nymph, and I told you that mine means lion. You joked about sea lions, which has always stuck with me because I knew, even then, that I could never forgive the sea for what it’s taken from me.”
Turning her around slowly, I cupped her cheeks and confessed more than I ever had before. “I’ve lost everyone I ever loved, Neri. I ran from my birthplace and can never go back. And the only people keeping me hidden and safe are your parents. I owe them everything. I’m loyal to them...above everyone.”
Running my fingers down the chain and around the charm nestled just above her breasts, I steeled myself against her sharp inhale and whispered, “You’re right that there’s something between us. You’re right that it’s been there ever since you jumped overboard and found me. And you’re right that it only gets stronger every year, but...nothing can ever happen between us, do you understand? Nothing can happen because...I made a promise to your parents that I would never touch you in that way. And I have no choice but to honour that promise because...”
I swallowed hard, forcing myself to continue. “Because...I’m afraid. I’m afraid of where I’d go if Jack threw me out. I’m afraid of what will happen if the government finds me. But the real reason is, the main reason I will never lay a finger on you, is...I’m fucking terrified of loving you, only to lose you. I wouldn’t survive. I’d rather never have you than run that risk.”
Tears ran down her cheeks. “No one would need to know...”
“I would know.” I pressed the softest kiss to her forehead. “If I touch you, Neri, your dad will kick me out. And if I can’t stay with you, I’ll never see you again because I’ll be caught and deported.”
“I don’t care.”
I hid my wince.
She didn’t know what she was saying.
By saying she didn’t care about me being deported, she admitted she didn’t care if I died.
But she didn’t know.
Didn’t know that the moment I stepped foot on beloved home soil, I would be slaughtered.
Yet another secret I’d kept from her at Jack’s command.
“I wouldn’t care if you were deported because I’d just follow you,” she breathed.
Frosty horror filled me.
If she ever did that...fuck, she’d be as dead as me.
I wanted to shake her and snarl that she could never step foot in Turkey, but that would raise questions I couldn’t answer. Instead, I distracted her. With words that would make her heart flutter because they already made mine quake.
Catching her eyes, I whispered, “You asked me once why I never say the words I love you. The simple truth is...I do. I think I’ve loved you from the moment you dragged me from the sea. You saved me, Neri. You gave me purpose. You gave me something to fight for when all I wanted to do was die. Not a day will go by that I’m not grateful to you, but...that is all I will ever be, do you understand? That is where we end.”
She cried silently, her tears looking like jewels upon her cheeks. “But that’s where we should begin, Aslan. Don’t you see?”
Frustration rolled through me, doing its best to tame my need. “I love you. Isn’t that enough?”
